I'm not going to lie.
Engagement time wasn't fun. I couldn't wait for my engagement to be over, and I recently half jokingly told my husband "I never want to be engaged to you again."
Married life, however, is way better than engagement life. Baruch HaShem Yitbarach Shemo L'ad!!!
While nearly every chatan and kallah want a nice wedding, they must keep in mind that it's not the ikkar. The wedding is just one (extremely important) day; marriage, however, is what needs the real planning, work, effort, time, and investment.
What can I say about marriage?
Hmmm...
well there's still a lot to learn, but so far, my favorite dvar Torah about marriage is as follows:
In Masechet Kiddushin, Chazal teach us about the kinyan of the isha. A man can "buy her" (buy - read: acquire) through three ways. From where do we learn this concept of kinyan?
From Avraham and Efron. Avraham purchased maharat hamachpelah from Efron, in order to bury Sara, his beloved wife, in Hevron.
Wait...WHAT?
How does that make sense?
We learn MARRIAGE from Avraham buying a GRAVE?
(that is already begging for a marriage joke!)
So, what's going on here?
The answer is very beautiful and applicable. Avraham and Efron were both happy and satisfied with the deal they made. Avraham was happy because he purchased a valuable plot in Eretz Yisrael where his dear wife, himself, and future relatives would be buried. Efron was happy because he got his money.
So too...
A HUSBAND AND WIFE - BOTH - need to feel like they got the best deal ever. They always need to be happy and satisfied. The husband should think "wow, my wife is the best. She's so beautiful, holy, smart, understanding, etc." and the wife should think that her husband is such a wonderful tzadik.
At first, some might think this seems unrealistic -- afterall, doesn't everyone have flaws?
Yes, everyone has flaws, but common advice that was given before: "while dating, keep both eyes open. While married, keep one eye closed." Just because a spouse has flaws doesn't mean that you should focus on the flaws. The key is focus on the positive attributes. The key is to remember why you married that person in the first place. The key is to feel happy and know that HaShem sent you the best zivug ever.
There is nobody like your zivug in the world, and there never was and never will be.
So too with every Jew. YOU are unique. There was NEVER anyone exactly like you before, and there NEVER will be anyone like you. You're the only one who can carry out your life's mission, and you are the only one who can be yourself.
Pretty neat, eh? :)
Sooo, there's a lot to say about life. A lot to say about marriage. A lot to say about Israeli politics. And fruit in sushi. Perhaps we'll add that to the "To be continued..." list.
Shavua tov to all :)
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Dating Advice
I wrote this post a while ago. These concepts are from a wonderful shiur by Rabbi Eliyahu Kin. I found it very helpful, and I hope y'all will as well.
Before a person dates, (s)he needs to be ready. There're three prerequisites a person should fulfill in order to be ready:
1. Not be picky (being particular about a certain look, financial income, etc.)
2. Not purposely delay marriage. (For example: I'm not dating now -- I'm too busy with my masters. When I finish my masters, I'll date.)
3. One must examine his deeds and make sure he's done his best to keep the Torah and mitzvot.
Why?
Because there're many individuals whom you can be compatible with, but there's only ONE who is best for you.
People are only shaliachs. HaShem is the One Who makes the shidduchim. Only He knows which 2 individuals match well together.
If a person isn't acting on their "best" behavior and working towards growth, then that person will not receive the best possible zivug. You're matched based on your current deeds. HaShem sends you the best possible match at a given time.
Now, let's say all 3 conditions are met. What do we do now??
1. PRAY!
Chazal quote a pasuk that says one should always turn to HaShem. One should pray because prayer can change any degree, regardless of what a person's mazal is.
One should pray that HaShem should please send him the best possible match; the right person who will also be a good person.
During Shemah Kolenu and the "yehi ratzon" at the end of the amida, a person should have zivug in mind, but he doesn't have to word it out.
Simple concepts a a man should have in mind:
-I want a wooman who will be an eshet chayil, who will be a good mother to my kids, and someone with whom I can build a bayit ne'eman b'yisrael.
Sefer Hassidim teaches to pray for your children to have good zivugim.
2. HISHTADLUT
Hishtadlut shows HaShem that we are serious about finding our spouses.
The Chazon Ish taught that tefillah is more important than hishtadlut.
3. TZDAKA
Men should give tzdaka at Shul when they go for minyan. Women should give tzdaka before lighting candles for Shabbat.
Charity can hasten the results; it makes a person's tefillah be heard all the more so.
4. CRY
The gates of tears are never locked.
Tears are an expression of the emotions of the heart.
And most importantly, NEVER give up. Ye'ush (despair) is one of the most crushing emotions an individual can experience.
Daven. If the situation gets more difficult, daven harder. If it's nearly unbearable, daven x100000000!
Before a person dates, (s)he needs to be ready. There're three prerequisites a person should fulfill in order to be ready:
1. Not be picky (being particular about a certain look, financial income, etc.)
2. Not purposely delay marriage. (For example: I'm not dating now -- I'm too busy with my masters. When I finish my masters, I'll date.)
3. One must examine his deeds and make sure he's done his best to keep the Torah and mitzvot.
Why?
Because there're many individuals whom you can be compatible with, but there's only ONE who is best for you.
People are only shaliachs. HaShem is the One Who makes the shidduchim. Only He knows which 2 individuals match well together.
If a person isn't acting on their "best" behavior and working towards growth, then that person will not receive the best possible zivug. You're matched based on your current deeds. HaShem sends you the best possible match at a given time.
Now, let's say all 3 conditions are met. What do we do now??
1. PRAY!
Chazal quote a pasuk that says one should always turn to HaShem. One should pray because prayer can change any degree, regardless of what a person's mazal is.
One should pray that HaShem should please send him the best possible match; the right person who will also be a good person.
During Shemah Kolenu and the "yehi ratzon" at the end of the amida, a person should have zivug in mind, but he doesn't have to word it out.
Simple concepts a a man should have in mind:
-I want a wooman who will be an eshet chayil, who will be a good mother to my kids, and someone with whom I can build a bayit ne'eman b'yisrael.
Sefer Hassidim teaches to pray for your children to have good zivugim.
2. HISHTADLUT
Hishtadlut shows HaShem that we are serious about finding our spouses.
The Chazon Ish taught that tefillah is more important than hishtadlut.
3. TZDAKA
Men should give tzdaka at Shul when they go for minyan. Women should give tzdaka before lighting candles for Shabbat.
Charity can hasten the results; it makes a person's tefillah be heard all the more so.
4. CRY
The gates of tears are never locked.
Tears are an expression of the emotions of the heart.
And most importantly, NEVER give up. Ye'ush (despair) is one of the most crushing emotions an individual can experience.
Daven. If the situation gets more difficult, daven harder. If it's nearly unbearable, daven x100000000!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
It was a beautiful sunny afternoon. I watched couples walking down the street, some holding hands, others holding ice cream, or better yet – a baby, and many just blissfully walking a few inches apart, looking oh so comfy-happy in couple land.
After my date from the night before that wasn’t disastrous but was clearly not turning into a second date, I wondered – is that ever going to be me and my husband?
That week, another guy was suggested to me. He sounded fine, so I said yes. Again, a date that wasn’t bad, but clearly not shayach. The only thing I wanted to do was have a very long conversation with HaShem.
“HaShem, I can’t do this anymore. If I’m not ready to get married, then I don’t want to date anymore. I can’t handle it emotionally. I just can’t. Please help me.”
I felt so broken. So lonely. So fed up. So hurt.
Is this ever going to end?
Yet another guy was suggested to me. He called to set up plans for a date, except guess what? Surprise surprise he was out of the country for another 3 weeks.
After our conversation, he asked “can I call you next week?”
“how about you just call me when you land back here?” I said, while thinking – "yeah. RIGHT. Like he’s actually going to call when he gets here."
Well, he called.
And now, baruch HaShem, we’re married.
My advice to all of my dear readers who are still single – never give up. If it can happen to me, it can definitely happen to you. Keep davening. HaShem hears every single tefillah, and there IS a reason that you didn’t meet your zivug yet. You’ll see why only AFTER you meet him or her, and the reason is that either one or both of you was not ready even a day beforehand.
There’s not an ounce of cruelty within HaShem. Everything that happens in life – it’s ALL out of chessed.
Is it instantaneous that you’ll know (s)he’s the right one? Most likely not. Save that for the movies and few select couples.
I want to thank everyone so much for giving me chizzuk. B”H may all of the singles find their zivugim asap – as soon as the right time is possible, and may all of the married couples have shalom bayit!
As far as blogging goes...
I'm not sure if I'll continue posting or not.
As I mentioned in my first post, way back when, this blog is a journey. :)
After my date from the night before that wasn’t disastrous but was clearly not turning into a second date, I wondered – is that ever going to be me and my husband?
That week, another guy was suggested to me. He sounded fine, so I said yes. Again, a date that wasn’t bad, but clearly not shayach. The only thing I wanted to do was have a very long conversation with HaShem.
“HaShem, I can’t do this anymore. If I’m not ready to get married, then I don’t want to date anymore. I can’t handle it emotionally. I just can’t. Please help me.”
I felt so broken. So lonely. So fed up. So hurt.
Is this ever going to end?
Yet another guy was suggested to me. He called to set up plans for a date, except guess what? Surprise surprise he was out of the country for another 3 weeks.
After our conversation, he asked “can I call you next week?”
“how about you just call me when you land back here?” I said, while thinking – "yeah. RIGHT. Like he’s actually going to call when he gets here."
Well, he called.
And now, baruch HaShem, we’re married.
My advice to all of my dear readers who are still single – never give up. If it can happen to me, it can definitely happen to you. Keep davening. HaShem hears every single tefillah, and there IS a reason that you didn’t meet your zivug yet. You’ll see why only AFTER you meet him or her, and the reason is that either one or both of you was not ready even a day beforehand.
There’s not an ounce of cruelty within HaShem. Everything that happens in life – it’s ALL out of chessed.
Is it instantaneous that you’ll know (s)he’s the right one? Most likely not. Save that for the movies and few select couples.
I want to thank everyone so much for giving me chizzuk. B”H may all of the singles find their zivugim asap – as soon as the right time is possible, and may all of the married couples have shalom bayit!
As far as blogging goes...
I'm not sure if I'll continue posting or not.
As I mentioned in my first post, way back when, this blog is a journey. :)
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Trapped Blessings
A close friend of mine shared something beautiful with me. Visualize this:
Anything you want - be it refua, parnassah, zivug, shalom bayit, etc. - is 'trapped' inside a treasure box in Shamayim. The key is already in the lock on the treasure box. All you need to do is turn the lock to open the treasure box and receive the brachot!
Your tefillot are the force to turn the key.
Through sincere, powerful tefillah -- one can expect to have enough power to turn the key.
Anything you want - be it refua, parnassah, zivug, shalom bayit, etc. - is 'trapped' inside a treasure box in Shamayim. The key is already in the lock on the treasure box. All you need to do is turn the lock to open the treasure box and receive the brachot!
Your tefillot are the force to turn the key.
Through sincere, powerful tefillah -- one can expect to have enough power to turn the key.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
We Are Wet Clay!! Yay!
A Dvar Torah from ATorahMinute that I read & really liked. Enjoy!
G-d commanded the prophet Yirmiyahu (Yirmiyahu 18:1-4) to go to a potter's house, where he observed the potter working with wet clay. Yirmiyahu reported that when the potter did not like the vessel which he created, for whatever reason, he was able to form another one from that same vessel -- one which pleased him.
The Ben Ish Chai z"l explains that there is a difference between a vessel made of clay, which was burnt in the kiln and one which was not burnt. While the first one, once broken cannot be repaired or fixed, the second one can be reconstructed to perfection even if it were broken into many pieces. A person who sins, is likened to the second one - the wet clay which can be reformed. Even if he performs the worst possible transgressions, once he regrets whole heartedly and repents, he will shine like dawn and blossom like a rose. Our merciful Father in Heaven, unlike a king made of flesh and blood, desires our Teshuva (repentance) and pleads with us to change, in spite of our sins and transgressions.
Teshuva is like a wide ocean, open to anyone at any given time. Chazal teach us that the gates of teshuva are forever open. However, during the time between the first of Elul and Yom Kippur G-d is even closer to us. We should not miss out on this special time and extraordinary gift that G-d has granted us. We must take advantage of it and draw ourselves closer to Him.
Let us set aside a few moments for self examination and introspection. What area would you choose to work on and improve? Perhaps smile more often or call a friend whose feelings you might have hurt. Make an effort to greet Shabbath in a timely fashion or learn to forgive and forget. The list is endless, the opportunity is waiting for us.
We have the power, just like the potter, to recreate a most exquisite piece of pottery. This piece of pottery is our own selves. We should refashion it till we have transformed it into an outstanding Jewish people!
I wish all of readers and Klal Yisrael a healthy, happy, and safe new year (5772). May we all be written in the book of life, and may we all grow closer to HaShem Yitbarach with each and every day of our lives. May we receive redemption on both personal and national levels. For all those who need a refua shlemah - may you be fully healthy this year! For all who need parnassah - may you have the amount of money that you need and are able to use for positive beneficial purposes! For all who need children - may you have healthy, holy, happy children who will always be in on the right derech. For all the singles who want to find their zivugim - may you date, get engaged, and get married to your best possible zivug. May we all be zoche to see Mashiach and Yerushalayim rebuilt in our times speedily in a peaceful way! Shana tova u'metukah! :)
G-d commanded the prophet Yirmiyahu (Yirmiyahu 18:1-4) to go to a potter's house, where he observed the potter working with wet clay. Yirmiyahu reported that when the potter did not like the vessel which he created, for whatever reason, he was able to form another one from that same vessel -- one which pleased him.
The Ben Ish Chai z"l explains that there is a difference between a vessel made of clay, which was burnt in the kiln and one which was not burnt. While the first one, once broken cannot be repaired or fixed, the second one can be reconstructed to perfection even if it were broken into many pieces. A person who sins, is likened to the second one - the wet clay which can be reformed. Even if he performs the worst possible transgressions, once he regrets whole heartedly and repents, he will shine like dawn and blossom like a rose. Our merciful Father in Heaven, unlike a king made of flesh and blood, desires our Teshuva (repentance) and pleads with us to change, in spite of our sins and transgressions.
Teshuva is like a wide ocean, open to anyone at any given time. Chazal teach us that the gates of teshuva are forever open. However, during the time between the first of Elul and Yom Kippur G-d is even closer to us. We should not miss out on this special time and extraordinary gift that G-d has granted us. We must take advantage of it and draw ourselves closer to Him.
Let us set aside a few moments for self examination and introspection. What area would you choose to work on and improve? Perhaps smile more often or call a friend whose feelings you might have hurt. Make an effort to greet Shabbath in a timely fashion or learn to forgive and forget. The list is endless, the opportunity is waiting for us.
We have the power, just like the potter, to recreate a most exquisite piece of pottery. This piece of pottery is our own selves. We should refashion it till we have transformed it into an outstanding Jewish people!
I wish all of readers and Klal Yisrael a healthy, happy, and safe new year (5772). May we all be written in the book of life, and may we all grow closer to HaShem Yitbarach with each and every day of our lives. May we receive redemption on both personal and national levels. For all those who need a refua shlemah - may you be fully healthy this year! For all who need parnassah - may you have the amount of money that you need and are able to use for positive beneficial purposes! For all who need children - may you have healthy, holy, happy children who will always be in on the right derech. For all the singles who want to find their zivugim - may you date, get engaged, and get married to your best possible zivug. May we all be zoche to see Mashiach and Yerushalayim rebuilt in our times speedily in a peaceful way! Shana tova u'metukah! :)
Monday, September 5, 2011
How can I be happy??
IVDU ET HASHEM B'SIMCHAAAAAA. Why is that so important?
Rabbi Jonathan Rietti explains:
In Parashat Bechukotai, 98 curses are mentioned.
there's a commandment of serving HaShem b'simcha (well, rather, it's a consequence if one doesn't serve HaShem b'simcha.) Basically, curses can come upon a person for not being jubilent! That means that if one fulfills a mitzvah, fully with all the little details and knows all of the halachot and sources and everythinggggg...but he doesn't fulfill that mitzvah with JOY - then his mitzvah is LACKING.
Happiness is a choice. The Arizal said that the word "b'simcha" has the same letters as "machshava"-- happiness is NOT what happens to me. Happiness is an attitude; happiness is in my thoughts...I CHOOSE whether be happy. Happiness is not dependent my health; my wealth; my bashert...all of that can help me be happIER, but those attributes don't define my happiness. My happiness is not reliant on what happens to me.
How does a person fill his mind with happy thoughts? By recognizing the GOOD in life. Think of your mind like a house or room -- which painting will you hang up? A dark one? A pretty one? One that is filled w/ images of Torah & mitzvot?
There is definitely good in life; G-d said the world is tov MEOD...not just good, but VERY good. When a person is happy because he is focusing on the good in life, he is not denial of what is horrible in life. Rather, by focusing on the good and loving life, he is living in reality and able to deal with tragedies. Focusing just on the negative is NOT living in reality.
I recently heard a wonderful shiur about how true joy is being connected to HaKadosh Baruch Hu. So, when Chazal tell us t
We recently experienced the period of ben hametzarim (the 3 weeks of mourning). Chazal teach us that the Divine Presence doesn't dwell on one who is depressed or unhappy. Even during those times of mourning, one must be joyful! He always must be happy, but especially when learning Torah, fulfilling mitzvot, etc.
This is especially something to keep in mind and practice during Elul. Yes, we should be reflecting on our deeds and doing teshuva, but ideally -- it should be done out of love and simcha. Chazal tell us that the happiest days are Yom Kippur and Tu b'Av.
That's part of the reason why sefardim have such upbeat, happy tunes to their selichot - because we're happy to be doing teshuva and be forgiven!
If we do our mission in the world with sincere simcha, our mitzvot will be fulfilled COMPLETELY, and b"H we will be zoche to Mashiach Tzidkenu and the Beit HaMikdash B'mehera B'yameinu.
Rabbi Jonathan Rietti explains:
In Parashat Bechukotai, 98 curses are mentioned.
there's a commandment of serving HaShem b'simcha (well, rather, it's a consequence if one doesn't serve HaShem b'simcha.) Basically, curses can come upon a person for not being jubilent! That means that if one fulfills a mitzvah, fully with all the little details and knows all of the halachot and sources and everythinggggg...but he doesn't fulfill that mitzvah with JOY - then his mitzvah is LACKING.
Happiness is a choice. The Arizal said that the word "b'simcha" has the same letters as "machshava"-- happiness is NOT what happens to me. Happiness is an attitude; happiness is in my thoughts...I CHOOSE whether be happy. Happiness is not dependent my health; my wealth; my bashert...all of that can help me be happIER, but those attributes don't define my happiness. My happiness is not reliant on what happens to me.
How does a person fill his mind with happy thoughts? By recognizing the GOOD in life. Think of your mind like a house or room -- which painting will you hang up? A dark one? A pretty one? One that is filled w/ images of Torah & mitzvot?
There is definitely good in life; G-d said the world is tov MEOD...not just good, but VERY good. When a person is happy because he is focusing on the good in life, he is not denial of what is horrible in life. Rather, by focusing on the good and loving life, he is living in reality and able to deal with tragedies. Focusing just on the negative is NOT living in reality.
I recently heard a wonderful shiur about how true joy is being connected to HaKadosh Baruch Hu. So, when Chazal tell us t
We recently experienced the period of ben hametzarim (the 3 weeks of mourning). Chazal teach us that the Divine Presence doesn't dwell on one who is depressed or unhappy. Even during those times of mourning, one must be joyful! He always must be happy, but especially when learning Torah, fulfilling mitzvot, etc.
This is especially something to keep in mind and practice during Elul. Yes, we should be reflecting on our deeds and doing teshuva, but ideally -- it should be done out of love and simcha. Chazal tell us that the happiest days are Yom Kippur and Tu b'Av.
That's part of the reason why sefardim have such upbeat, happy tunes to their selichot - because we're happy to be doing teshuva and be forgiven!
If we do our mission in the world with sincere simcha, our mitzvot will be fulfilled COMPLETELY, and b"H we will be zoche to Mashiach Tzidkenu and the Beit HaMikdash B'mehera B'yameinu.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Plea to G-D
Dear HaShem,
I know that because of Your ultimate rachamim, You keep me alive.
I know that You love me.
I know that You care about me.
I know that You want a relationship with me.
I know that You’re my Father in Heaven, and I’m Your daughter.
I am the daughter of the King of the universe.
Doesn’t every Father want to see His daughter married?
Doesn’t every King want to see the princess taken care of by a prince?
I want to worship You. So much.
But this single thing is really in my way.
It limits me.
I can worship you so much better if I was married to my true zivug.
Our marriage would bring out my potential
And his.
We would worship you together.
I’d wear my beautiful, modest mitpachot.
I’d light my nerot Shabbat with olive oil.
My Shabbat table will be full with guests, food, and inspiring Divrei Torah.
With Your help, I’d give birth and raise holy, special, beautiful, healthy children
And teach them Your righteous ways.
Your holy Torah and mitzvot.
I know that marriage is work.
And I will work on it to make sure that
My relationship with my husband is full of true love. True giving based on Torah.
So that the Shechina will dwell in our home and marriage.
Right now…
I don’t have my own holy and kosher home.
It plagues my thoughts.
That I’m alone.
That I’m half a soul.
That I’m not complete.
That I’m not giving to my soul-mate.
Oh, how limited I am.
How I long for him.
How my curiosity replays over and over again in my head.
Oh G-d…
It is so difficult and painful. It is almost too much to bare.
I know that You don’t give anybody tests that they can’t pass.
So, I know I can pass this one.
I’m asking You to help me pass.
Please help me not obsess.
Please help me deal with this situation correctly.
Help me not be in so much anguish.
Please grant me the clarity, strength, and faith to always be happy and
Not worry. Not cry. Not have doubt.
Not to have inner-turmoil.
Please send my special zivug to me soon.
Or send me to him.
May my zivug please be the person whom I need.
The best possible zivug for me.
Please help me not pass up on him.
And help him not pass up on me.
Please help me not be an older single.
Please, please, please.
You are The only One I turn to.
You are The One Who is mezaveg zivugim.
Nobody else.
I am 100% fully dependent on You.
You are Plan A. there is no plan B or C.
You’re the Source for it all.
Please, please, please.
Shma Tefillati and please answer me l’tova.
I know that because of Your ultimate rachamim, You keep me alive.
I know that You love me.
I know that You care about me.
I know that You want a relationship with me.
I know that You’re my Father in Heaven, and I’m Your daughter.
I am the daughter of the King of the universe.
Doesn’t every Father want to see His daughter married?
Doesn’t every King want to see the princess taken care of by a prince?
I want to worship You. So much.
But this single thing is really in my way.
It limits me.
I can worship you so much better if I was married to my true zivug.
Our marriage would bring out my potential
And his.
We would worship you together.
I’d wear my beautiful, modest mitpachot.
I’d light my nerot Shabbat with olive oil.
My Shabbat table will be full with guests, food, and inspiring Divrei Torah.
With Your help, I’d give birth and raise holy, special, beautiful, healthy children
And teach them Your righteous ways.
Your holy Torah and mitzvot.
I know that marriage is work.
And I will work on it to make sure that
My relationship with my husband is full of true love. True giving based on Torah.
So that the Shechina will dwell in our home and marriage.
Right now…
I don’t have my own holy and kosher home.
It plagues my thoughts.
That I’m alone.
That I’m half a soul.
That I’m not complete.
That I’m not giving to my soul-mate.
Oh, how limited I am.
How I long for him.
How my curiosity replays over and over again in my head.
Oh G-d…
It is so difficult and painful. It is almost too much to bare.
I know that You don’t give anybody tests that they can’t pass.
So, I know I can pass this one.
I’m asking You to help me pass.
Please help me not obsess.
Please help me deal with this situation correctly.
Help me not be in so much anguish.
Please grant me the clarity, strength, and faith to always be happy and
Not worry. Not cry. Not have doubt.
Not to have inner-turmoil.
Please send my special zivug to me soon.
Or send me to him.
May my zivug please be the person whom I need.
The best possible zivug for me.
Please help me not pass up on him.
And help him not pass up on me.
Please help me not be an older single.
Please, please, please.
You are The only One I turn to.
You are The One Who is mezaveg zivugim.
Nobody else.
I am 100% fully dependent on You.
You are Plan A. there is no plan B or C.
You’re the Source for it all.
Please, please, please.
Shma Tefillati and please answer me l’tova.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
