Ahavat Chinam - yay yay yay!

Well, now that we know that a lack of hakarat hatov/gratitute leads to jealousy, which leads to hate, we know the basis of sinat chinam.
Many people probably heard of Ahavat Chinam already, but how many of us actually know what this means?

We are taught that one way to help rebuild the Beit Hamikdash is Ahavat Chinam, which is baseless love. But what does baseless love mean? How can we practice it on the daily basis? Afterall, it's not every day that we see an old lady with groceries who needs help crossing the road. It's not every day that we help a kid who is lost at the mall. It's not every day that we need to rescue a drowning victim.
The beatles and hippies in the 1960s also thought they have baseless love. Loving everyone regardless of actions, beliefs, etc.
But they didn't bring Mashiach. In fact, they brought a lot of evil into the world with so much liberalism and "freedom", but that is a different discussion.
So what is Ahavat Chinam and how can we fufill that mitzvah on a daily basis?

Here're two VERY practical daily implications to increase ahavat chinam in Am Yisrael:
1. Increase Your Hakarat Hatov:
we say "modeh ani" to G-d every single morning that we wake up and have a new opportunity to experience life and fulfill our potential.
But G-d is not the only One that we need to give hakarat hatov to.
Every single person, regardless of his or her upbringing and situation, owes hakarat hatov to their Parents. Many people mistakenly assume that they don't owe their parents any respect if their parents haven't brought them up correctly. But to think like that is completely anti-ethical to what the Torah teaches us.
The Shulchan Aruch codifies it as halacha that every individual must respect his or her parents. The Shulchan Aruch gives an example of a parent who hits his child, yells at his child, and embarrasses his child (note: child doesn't mean a minor. A person is his parent's child even if he is 50 years old!)
What a terrible thing, lo aleinu. And yet, as terrible as that situation is, the Shulchan Aruch tells us it is ASSUR for that child to talk back, hit back, or insult his parents. (But that child SHOULD get away from such a parent. That isn't disrespectful; that's saving the child's life.)
Rabbi Wallerstein emphasizes the halacha that even if a parent is a rasha, a completely evil person, his child still has an obligation to respect him!
Even a mamzer, who is excommunicated in many ways in the community and can't marry a regular Jew, must respect his mother - even though his mother is the one who caused him to have the status of a mamzer!
Amazing. Really. If it wasn't clear halacha, it would be hard to believe.
But the reason for all this emphasis on kibud av v'em is that even in the most difficult situations, a person MUST have gratitude to his parents for the sole reasons that they are the ones who are responsible for giving him life and bringing him into this world.
The start to appreciating life is to appreciate the people who brought you into this world.

A person who has appreciation will appreciate what G-d does for him. If a person appreciates what G-d does for him, then he will be happy with life and not be jealous of others (see my last post on the blog).

How many people wait until a person has died to say "I wish i would've appreciated him/her more" or "I loved her so much...how i wish I would've told her."
The shiva, r"l, is too late. Express your feelings, love, and gratitude now before it's too late.

If we appreciate what we have, we'll give to others more easily because we'll realize how good we have it and how we should share our goodness with others.
2. Do Chessed Without Calculations!
Many people have an assumption that you only do chessed and things for others because they did something for you or because you have a particular reason. For example, helping someone who is ill because you also had that illness once. Or helping someone who's from an abused home because you also came from an abused home.
Or helping someone because they have no else one.
Now of course that is a HUGE mitzvah and something priceless and commendable.
But a person doesn't NEED to have a reason to do chessed! How about helping someone just because they're going through pain? Just because they need a friend? Just because they need a good influence in their life? Just because they need help?
We learn this from Avraham Avinu, the epitome of true chessed. What did the malachim, whom he thought were arabs, ever do for him? When he invites them offer, he says (loosely translated) "if I've found favor in your eyes...please come to my home" - he asks them do ME the favor.
That's how we should view helping our fellow Jew. They're doing ME the favor by needing help.
Rabbi Wallerstein gave two examples in one of his shiurim. Many times (particularly in Jewish communities in Eretz Yisrael and NY), such as after shacharit or a shiur in shul, people who need a ride but don't have a car will ask around (somewhat shyly) - "is anyone driving to ________?"
So instead of waiting for someone to ask you, you can get up and say "I'm driving to Brooklyn. Does anyone need a ride?"
Or as is common at weddings, many single girls don't have a ride to the wedding and need to car pool. You can ask the kallah before the wedding "does anyone from _______ (your city) need a ride to your wedding?" or during the wedding, you can spread the word that you're driving to ________, and you're happy to give a ride if anyone needs one.

The second example Rabbi Wallerstein gives is that often times, beggars (both Jewish and nonJewish) are sitting outside in the sweltering heat of the summer or freezing cold winter, asking for money. People give them money, but few people offer to get them a cold drink or hot drink. The beggars are often hesistant to take a 10 minute "break" from begging to go get themselves a drink because they'll lose money gaining opportunities during that time that they're not asking for money.
Regardless of whether or not the beggar is a nice person, (s)he is still a human being, and no human enjoys being overly hot and sweaty or freezing!
A nice thing to do is to say "can I please get you a drink?"

3. Daven For People - While On the Street!
I heard this idea from Rebbetzin kaganoff a few years ago at a summer learning session that I attended. This beautiful idea really made a strong impression on me & completely enhanced my life and ahavat yisrael. If you apply this to your life, I have no doubt that your ahavat chinam will enhance tremendously.
Always daven for people - not just during shmonah esreh!
Yes, shmona esreh is an amazing and important tefilla, but seek other opportunities to daven as well.
If you receive an e-mail or text or read a blog post/news article that someone is sick, say at least 1 perek of Tehillim. If you dont have time to say some Tehillim, you can simply say "HaShem please send this person a refua shlemah"
If you see a pregnant woman on the street, you can daven/whisper quietly while walking and say "HaShem please help her have an easy birth and healthy baby."
If you see a single, daven "G-d please send this person a good zivug."
If you see a Jew who is off the derech or not yet religious say "HaShem please help this person have opportunities to do teshuva and be close to You."
If you see a couple who are experiencing difficulty with conceiving children, you can pray "HaShem please help this couple have healthy and holy Jewish children."

Davening for strangers takes merely seconds and is just so beautiful. You establish a completely different connection and outlook towards members whom you don't know (and even ones who you do know) in am yisrael.
4. Resolve Your Issues with People But Also Stay Away!
If you have an issue/conflict with a friend or family member that can be sorted out through communication, a helpful mediator (such as a Rav or therapist), then go for it! There is a commandment that we are not allowed to hate a fellow Jew in our heart. Why does the pasuk say in "your heart"? Because you can't keep it IN. First, ideally, you should try to resolve to conflict within yourself. But if that's not doable, then calmly and rationally express your feelings to the person.
However, if for whatever reason, this is not possible or feasible, or you already tried doing so and that solution failed, then simply stay away from the people who annoy you, upset you, bring you down, etc. Once you have a distance from them, FORGIVE them & move on with your life.
There's no sin in staying away from a person who harms you, be it spiritually/religiously, emotionally, financially, physically. In fact, in most cases, it is probably a mitzvah to stay away from such an influence.
5. Give Tzdaka
Rambam teaches us that giving a little bit of tzdaka often is better than seldom giving a lot at the once. Why? Because giving tzdaka often conditions us to be giving. Humans are often habitual creations. By giving oa little bit daily or often, we get into the habit of being giving people. Giving a lot once in a while is certainly praiseworthy, but it doesn't bring out the midda of chessed and giving.
Aim to give tzdaka with kavana and a smile on your face. Even if it's "just" a penny or nickel a day in your tzdaka box at home, the very act of giving is praiseworthy! If a little bit once a day is no doable, then aim for once a week - like on Erev Shabbat. If that's not doable, aim for once a month.
Again, no amount is too little, and it's incredible how quickly and efficiently a little bit a day or once a week adds up to in a year.
Once a year, or whenever reached a certain amount, donate the money to the charity organization/cause of your choice. 


Again, many of the ideas posted here is credited to Rabbi Wallerstein. Shiur is linked in my last blog post :)

May HaShem help us all work on ourselves and to have true Ahavat Chinam!
May everyone have a Shabbat Shalom u'Mevorach!

Sinat Chinam - oy oy oy oy!

Well, my dear friends in the world of blogger, I'm back! (da na na na na! Just gotta include that tune! ;) )
I know I've written that phrase so many times, but the truth is, I'm never really gone from blogger. I check updates, and I've started blog posts so many times but then just don't get around to finishing them. I miss this blog, as I have it mainly for selfish purposes (hey, just being honest here). It gives me great chizzuk, and whoever reads it is joining me along the beautiful journey of life.

Sinat Chinam. Oy! How terrible it is. Afterall, it is due to sinat chinam that we don't have a Beit Hamikdash.
But what on earth does sinat chinam mean? And what is the cause?
Chazal teach us that the first Beit Hamikdash was destroyed due to the three cardinal sins: shfichat damim, avoda zara, and gilui arayot. Those were terrible sins, but merely 70 years later, a 2nd Beit Hamikdash was built! Despite the gravity of our sins, we were able to merit the Beit Hamikdash that we so long for now.
That means that Am Yisrael repented & HaShem forgave and gave us another chance to be close to Him. But what was the reason that the 2nd Beit Hamikdash destroyed? Sinat Chinam. And we still don't have a 3rd Temple, so that means we STILL haven't done enough teshuva and still haven't gotten rid of sinat chinam.
Wow. I mean... is sinat chinam really so much worse than murder? Worse than avoda zara?! Worse than promiscuity??
It must be, since the Temple was built relatively quickly the second time, and we're still waiting for nearly 2000 years for the 3rd Temple to be rebuilt (may it be built b'mehera b'yameinu!)
So, it is obvious that sinat chinam is a really big deal.

But did you ever wonder what sinat chinam actually is? I remember always thinking it's hating someone without a reason, but honestly, out all everyone you know - how many people just hate someone without a reason?
I don't know many.
I do know many people who hate someone because that person hurt them in some way.
So what's the deal with sinat chinam?
The quick answer is that when we don't have hakarat hatov, we have jealousy, and jealousy leads to sinat chinam.
Ready to delve into our amazing Holy Torah?

So, let's go to the very beginning...
Adam was formed from dirt. Why dirt? Because dirt has the most potential for growth, for life, for sustenance. Afterall, everything we eat grows from dirt. Vegetation is needed for all animals to surirve. Dirt is needed for trees to grow; trees that give us oxygen, paper, wood, and countless of other benefits.
But dirt is also something very low, and well, dirty (hey, the word is called DIRTy for a reason!) That is to remind us that we are "afar" - dust. We will become dust after we die...our bodies will be nothing. That should greatly humble human beings and realize that THIS WORLD is the only place where we can use our potential, since, afterall we are made of dirt. But at the same time, we should keep in mind, that our potential is not timeless, and we will soon (hopefully after 120 BH) become dust. Then our potential will be over, and the only thing we will have left in olam haba is our mitzvot that we fulfilled in this world.
Okay, so something interesting about dust.
Think of something beautiful, like gold, silver, or black marble tiles. If they are covered in dust, they aren't so beautiful anymore. The dust conceals their beauty.
That's what happens to a person when he is jealous. His jealousy will cover up anything good that he has in his life. Jealousy blinds a person. It spreads through a person's mind like an illness and slowly but surely will completely destroy the jealous person.

What does jealousy have to do with anything?
Because jealousy is ALWAYS the cause of sinat chinam.

(she doesn't look like a happy camper, does she?")
Rabbi Wallerstein once gave a shiur, and a man came up to him and said "please help me. I am  jealous of so many of my friends...their businesses/parnassa, their clothes, their wives... how can I stop?"
Rabbi Wallerstein told him that his jealousy is merely a symptom of his real problem. The true basis to this man's problem is that he need a sense of self. if you're happy with yourself, then you wont care what anyone else has!
Chazal teach us "ezehu ashir? Hasameach bchelko." - "who is rich? The one who is happy with his lot."
This is just so, so, SO true. Wow. The wisdom of Chazal. How much this applies today, perhaps more than ever!
Because there will ALWAYS be someone richer. There will ALWAYS be someone more beautiful. There will ALWAYS be someone who has a "better" spouse. There will ALWAYS be someone who has more well behaved children. There will ALWAYS be someone who seems to have it better than you do.
But your reality is what you make of it. If you live your life appreciating everything you have and looking at everything in your life without comparisons, then you will slowly start to love your own life and not have any desire to live someone else's life.

There's a Mishna that says "kina motzia et haadam m'haolam" - translated as "jealousy takes out a person from this world." What does that mean? We're still alive even if we're jealous! We're still breathing, still walking, still functioning, aren't we?
This Mishna is teaching us that the person who is jealous doesn't have a sense of self. If I don't have a sense of sense, then there is no me! I'm wrongly trying to live the other person's life if I'm jealous. My thoughts will eat me up and absolutely take away any gratitude for what G-d gave ME. So therefore, I dont have me - it's like im not in this world.

We're all individuals. Every single person in the world is special and unique - there was never anyone exactly like you in the world, and there never will be! (Yes, including you! The person reading this!)
Every person has a finger print that no one else has. So just like you don't have the same finger print as anyone else, you also shouldn't have anything else to do with anyone's bank account, looks, marriage, etc.
Every individual should focus on your himself by working on making HIMSELF happy. He shouldn't work on himself by trying to compete with other people! In fact, theres no such thing as positive competition in the Torah. Whenever people try to compete, we see disasterous results, such as w/ kayin and hevel or with korach v'adato!

There's an interesting and amusing mazal that kina (jealousy) and sina (hatred) went for a walk. They met a king, and he said to kina, I'll give you anything - whatever you ask for, and I'll give sina twice the amount of whatever you ask for. kina got annoyed and exclaimed "I don't want sina to have more than me!" So, kina thought about it & came to a decision. He requested that the king to punch out his eye, so sina would then lose both eyes.
How crazy is that?!
Anyone who reads that thinks how foolish kina was. He could've gained something, but instead he lost something just so that his enemy could suffer.
That's how terrible jealousy is. Who suffers the MOST from being jealous? The person who is jealous! He is willing to harm himself just so that the other person can lose something, so that the jealous person will feel like he has more.

So, my friends, we see here how terrible jealousy is. How much it can ruin people's lives. No wonder it's part of the 10 Commandments that it's assur for us to be jealous!
And just as much as jealousy ruins a person's life, sina can also eat a person alive - literally. To the point of murder and self-destruction.
The only way to overcome jealousy, even a speck of it, is to completely zoom out of other people's lives and to focus on the GOOD in our lives.
Once we appreciate and love OURSELVES, we can do ahavat chinam with our fellow Jews. Why love ourselves first? Because a person can only give over what he has.
If I don't love myself, how can I love someone else?

An explanation of ahavat chinam, including tips, will be'ezrat HaShem be posted in the near future.

May we all merit to work on our middot and see all of the good HaShem bestows upon us, and may we me merit to see the Beit HaMikdash rebuilt in our times b'mehera b'yameinu, amen.

***I credit most of the divrei Torah here to an excellent shiur given by Rabbi Wallerstein.

True Happiness!

WHOAAAA. 3 weeks! Do these 3 weeks stress you out? Do you loath them? What’s this period all about, really? Are we supposed to be miserable now? When do we get to be happy again? What’re we supposed to do?

I heard the following amazing shiur by a true Talmid Chacham:

The Gemara in masechet (page 29): Mishna says “mi sheh nichnas adar, marbim b’simcha. Mi sheh nichnas Av, mematim b’simcha.” Whoever enters Adar should increase his happiness. Whoever enters Av should decrease his happiness.

The months of Tammuz and Av are grouped together because they’re both mourning periods.

These are moments where it is understandable for one to decrease level of joy. On the 17th of Tammuz, 5 main tragic events took place; one of them being the breaking of the two luchot. One the 9th of Av, the destruction of the 1st and 2nd Temples took place. So, during the following 3 weeks, one has to decrease his happiness.

The Sages, on one hand, say we have to increase, and then decrease. But the sages never said one should not be b’simcha. But by no means should a Jew ever be UNHAPPY.
During these 3 weeks, one should weep over the destruction of the Temple, take on more restrictions, and get into mode of mourning. Yet, one still must be joyful on Tisha b’Av!

But how can this be? Don’t we have sad times in life? Tragedies, deaths, mourning days?
How is possible to be joyful when he’s weeping? Isn’t that a contradiction?
What’s the definition of simcha/joy?

Tractate of Shabbat (page 30; lamed amud bet) – Gemara says “the Divine Presence (Shechina) will not delve into one who is sad.”
So, sadness is not a state of mind that a Jew should be into. One who is sad pushes away the Shechina.
The Baal HaTanya writes that sadness is the father of all impurity. Because by pushing away the Shechina leads to a status of impurity. Impurity means disconnection from G-d.

On 9 B’Av – we’re asking HaShem to please come back to us. But if we’re all sad while asking, then how can Shechina be with us? The Shechina can’t be with us when we’re sad!
So even on 9 B’Av, one can NOT be sad! Sadness is not compatible with the state of mind of a Jew because sadness pushes away Shechina.
So, where will Divine Presence find itself? The Gemara says only among those who accomplish the mitzvot JOYFULLY.

It’s not optional to be joyful while doing mitzvot. Arizal says simcha is part of the accomplishment of the mitzvah. If you’re missing the joy, you’re not fully accomplishing mitzvah. If you’re lacking simcha, it’s like you’re lacking part of the mitzvah!!
In the Torah, there’s a parasha where we have 91 curses. The Gemara asks what prompts the 91 curses? Ad it answers because of the moments when Jews do mitzvoth without joy.

Okay, so we get it now…we must serve HaShem with joy!!! Ivdu et HaShem b’simcha!!! Wait…but what is joy? Is it laughing? Surely we shouldn’t be laughing on 9 b’Av! So, what is the definition of joy?

The Ramchal, in Mesillat HaShem, explains that there are 3 levels of fear of HaShem:
1. Lowest level: fear of punishment . This person is not scared of G-d. This person doesn’t want to get punished and feel pain. The main factor here is myself. I’m fearing the pain of the action I’ve done. That in itself is definitely a level of fearing G-d, but it’s a low level of fear.
2. 2nd level: I feel G-d’s presence every second of my life. It pains G-d when I sin. My actions depend on closeness. I love HaShem so much that I don’t want to disrespect Him. Love here depends on how much you know of G-d.
3. 3rd level: Fear of G-d’s presence (to be in awe of Him).

Rambam explains that knowledge leads one to love G-d. Only when one has knowledge of G-d, can he love Him more.
It’s possible for a person to have Torah and mitzvoth in his life, yet he can still be lack the knowledge of G-d. And therefore, he’s still under the power of Amalek.
What?? Amalek?? What do they have to do with anything??

Doubt (safek) is amalak – safek and amalek have the same gematria: 240. The essence of Amalek is to doubt…what’s going to happen today? Tomorrow? Next year? Doubt is often the root of all the anguishes and the stresses. Amalek made everyone scared, and this fear is due to the lack of knowledge of G-d. Lack of emunah and bitachon. Amalek loves the theory of coincidence. Amalek wants to show that G-d may have created the world, but He’s no longer in control of the world.
Amalek fought against the Jews when we were on our way to Israel. Amalek affects us when we were on our way – on our journey. Amalek affects us when we’re on our way somewhere. There’s danger during a journey- we think: anything can happen, and that’s why we say Tefillat Haderech. We need to overcome that feeling of Amalek – that we’re scared. Amalek says there’s no way out, there’s no hope. But We have to be calm and think and know that HaShem is with us. Have hope, courage, faith.
Amalek:
-doesn’t care that you’re fulfilling 613 mitzvot – he says do them, but do them with habit. Don’t think about them! Don’t prepare yourself, don’t look forward to the mitzvoth, etc. end Shabbat the second it’s over. Don’t extend by even 10 minutes, let alone Rabbeinu Tam! No excitement or enjoyment in your avodat HaShem. Routine.
Even a talmid chacham can c”vs be a product of Amalek.
-loves coincidence: laws of nature control the world. You caught a cold, the medicine is helping you, you found your zivug? It’s because you made a lot of money, had good manners, lost weight, etc. In this case, a person is tracing back to cause of causes and not the cause of all causes (G-d).
The antidote to all of this is to know there is a Divine plan which is here from the beginning to the end. HaShem never steps away from the picture. He’s always the influence in creation.

The Sages say “joy is the solution to all doubts.”
Joy is the antidote to Amalek.
How do you get to joy? Knowledge.

Rabbi Akiva was always laughing, always b’simcha, etc. He laughed when he saw fox on Temple Mount, he laughed before dying a painful and torturous death by the Romans, etc. Rabbi Akiva knew what was going on behind the scenes because that privy knowledge gives joy to a person. Clarity gives joy to a person.

Joyfulness is a complete understanding of the way of G-d. to know that nothing is a mistake or coincidence; G-d is the Mastermind of the world.
What is happening now the event to bring another event; each moment brings us closer to mashiach. Every step is a step closer. One should never lose hope because despite the events, you have to see Who is behind the events. G-d is behind the events; He wants this to happen as the ideal.

Do we affiliate with this truth or do we disconnect from it? The more we connect, the more we can laugh like Rabbi Akiva. The more we’re distant, depressed, and disconnected, then the more we feel purposeless.

Rabbi Akiva’s life was also upside down; David HaMelech was also upside down; they suffered and didn’t have easy lives, but you see David HaMelech says “ach tov va chessed yirdufuni kol yemei chayai” – from the first day I came to this world, chessed and good were always chasing me!
These hardships are my consolations! They’re a chessed from HaShem! That attitude and response the proof of a true believer.
To believe in G-d when everything is great, you don’t have to be david hamelech. You can be a typical goy. That’s not a high level of emunah.

Every breath we take, we should be praising HaShem. When a person lives his life this way, he’s always b’simcha. But people who always expect more, they’re the ones who break down and get depressed.
HaShem is the Master of all good – He knows if it’s good for us to receive it or not. We don’t always have the understanding, but we can believe it.

So, basically: joy is clarity. Clarity is the biggest bracha in life.

May we all fulfill HaShem’s beautiful commandments with JOY, and B”H in that zchut, merit to see Mashiach and the Beit HaMikdash b’mehera b’yameinu!