Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Whole World is A Very Narrow Bridge...and the main thing to recall is to have no fear at all

Sometimes I think about my life as an old, bitter lady with a few cats, living all alone. Never married. No children. It's a scary thought...
a lot of people (myself included) brush it off with "chas v'shalom" but sometimes, my yetzer hara nudges me: "what if?"
What if it would actually happen?

The answer, my friends, is that all it takes is ONE moment. One day. HaShem can turn your whole life around. It's that one phone call that can happen any fateful day. That day that you're just cleaning your room, and a shadchan or friend calls and tells you that (s)he has someone for you. That day that you're studying for an exam or driving back from work. It can be any moment, any second. It can be today, or tomorrow, or the next day. It can be next week, this month, next month, next year, or in a few years.
It's possible that today is lonely. Today you had a bad experience. Today you feel miserable. But that can all change in a split second. These experiences build us up as people to be stronger and have more clarity. And as a result, we'll appreciate the good when it comes our way -- we'll appreciate it in a manner that we never would have if we hadn't experienced the "negative" moments.

We just can't give up our faith or our tefillot. Because it could be your tefillah TODAY that will change tomorrow, which will, in turn, change the rest of your life. It's davka the moments that we are MOST upset or disheartened that should drive us to daven because as the pasuk in Tehillim says "G-d is close to the broken-hearted and saves those with a crushed spirit" (Tehillim 34:19).

I have a very close friend who went out with a terrific guy, who would've done anything for her. He was your typical "prince charming" in many ways and cared about her deeply. However, for various reasons, she called it off. Right when they were soon to be engaged. The bachur kept trying to reignite their relationship, but his efforts were futile. In the back of her mind, my friend knew that he'd always be there -- in case she didn't meet anyone else, he'd always be waiting for her. She continued dating and had heart-breaking and disappointing experiences.
A couple of months later, "prince charming" got engaged. She was depressed and cried for days because she thought she missed her opportunity. She missed her zivug. She let him go - just like that, and now she'll never find anyone better. She kept dating, and really, she didn't meet anyone who even slightly measured up to him.

Frustrated yet realistic, she decided that she was tired of dating, and she came to the conclusion that she needs to take a break. She felt like she's enjoying the single life and college, and mayyybe in two years, she'll want to get married. She didn't want to be "tied" down...she liked living at home with few responsibilities. She liked not having to worry about parnassah or covering her hair. Nevertheless, she kept praying to HaShem to send her her zivug.
Right after she came to the conclusion that she's taking a long break, on an "ordinary" day...one of her mother's friends met a new customer, who was very friendly and told her that he's trying to marry off his son. She called up my friend's mother, told her about the family and the guy, the guy called my friend, and voila. The rest is history. They're building their home together now.
When I asked her if he measures up to her ex-"prince charming" - she responded: "No...he doesn't measure up. He (her fiance) is even better than I could ever imagine." And smiled.
I received tremendous chizzuk from this friend.
Moral of the story (what I learned, anyway): we might think we're ready, but HaShem knows better. We might think we're not ready, but HaShem knows better. Regardless of our conclusions, we must never submit to our yetzer hara and stop praying or think that our zivug isn't out there. If someone we once thought is our zivug is now married -- then (s)he wasn't our zivug! Someone who's even better for you is out there. As my Mother tells me: "every pot has a lid" -- your lid is out there, and HaShem knows exactly where that person is! Don't give up. Don't throw in the towel just yet, because your life can get better than you've ever imagined and dreamed. :)

14 comments:

  1. What a beautiful and encouraging post!!

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  2. I hope the desperate peeps out there read this and remember that He loves you and will take care of you

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  3. I've had that thought. Only, I would never have cats. :)

    Great story about your friend. Thanks for sharing, it is good chizuk! It's nice to hear happy endings. And it is true- Yeshuat Hashem K'Heref Ayin. It just takes a second for it all to turn around.

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  4. Aminspiration - I'm one of them. So I need to keep re-reading it! ;)

    SternGrad - yes! B"H we should see that yeshuva happen in our lives very soon!

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  5. Sfardi gal- i obviously dont know you and dont know your case and it is not my place to judge your feelings and pains-it just hurts me when i see so many girls breaking up inside because they dont have a y-chromosome clad being at their side. every stage in life is given to us to learn from and grow from to prepare us for whats coming next. He has someone special for you out there and when the time is right he will come. I am not trying to offer platitudes i honestly believe that Hashem would not abandon us His daughters no matter what the "crisis."

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  6. That's something along what my hairdresser said. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said no, and he said it happens so quickly, from one moment to the next. It's true.

    But it's like that in life - someone has something and they're terrified too let it go but then something better comes along (happens with lipsticks all the time, lehavdil).

    We are Jews. Jews believe in Hashem, and so, bashert. If you are open to finding your bashert, then Hashem will send him to you, in the proper time. The secret is to keep on thinking that. All the time.

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  7. AmInspiration: "every stage in life is given to us to learn from and grow from to prepare us for whats coming next. He has someone special for you out there and when the time is right he will come. I am not trying to offer platitudes i honestly believe that Hashem would not abandon us His daughters no matter what the "crisis.""
    You're absolutely right. That is tremendous chizuk, thank you.

    But about girls hurting inside -- we're emotional beings. That's part of the reason we don't have a chiyuv to get married...because we have that natural urge to do so.
    We're half of a whole for now.
    A tefillah out of happiness is the highest level of emunah. A tefillah full of sadness and tears also can shake the gates in Shamayim, though.
    But yes, ideally, we should accept the verdict b'simcha and hope and pray for the future.

    English Major: LOL hairdresser conversations. Gotta love those.
    A little bit off topic but...I personally dislike when people (usually strangers) ask me if I have a boyfriend.

    "But it's like that in life - someone has something and they're terrified too let it go but then something better comes along (happens with lipsticks all the time, lehavdil)."
    Yup. And eyeliners, too.
    I've taken many risks with eyeliners ;)
    I'm attempting to enter the liquid eyeliner world, but I was standing in the cosmetics section of walgreens for approximately 20 minutes trying to decide which one to purchase. I left empty-handed.
    Any suggestions?

    "We are Jews. Jews believe in Hashem, and so, bashert. If you are open to finding your bashert, then Hashem will send him to you, in the proper time. The secret is to keep on thinking that. All the time."
    You said it, girl! Maybe I'll put that on a poster and hang in up in my room. Love it!

    Shabbat shalom to all :)

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  8. Great post. Seriously. Keep the chizuk coming!

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  9. Sefardi Gal, ** ONE ** of your friends found a better husband by delaying marriage.

    That is NOT guaranteed to happen to every Jewish single!

    In many cases, rejecting a potential marriage partner unnecessarily and delaying marriage are deadly mistakes that result in the single person reaching age 55 without ever being married.

    By the way, one of my single friends just got married for the first time around age 55. When she was in her 20s and 30s, she was extremely attractive. She lived in New York City for many years. Then she lost her job and was forced to move very far away. About 9 months later, she got married.

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  10. This post really speaks to me. Thank you.

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  11. Coral Cap - thank you! B"H :)

    Mr. Cohen - no one should purposely delay marriage, unless there's a very good reason. That wasn't the point. The point is that we need to keep our emunah and pray -- HaShem can make anything happen!!

    Sun Inside Rain - I'm so glad that it does! You're welcome :) I owe a lot of it to my dear friend (who, btw, is SO happy now b/c she is finally married and is grinning from ear to ear 24/7) :)

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  12. I'm currently trying out eyeliners as well. Supposedly the one a makeup artist referred to as "idiot proof" involves an eyeliner cake and a flat angled eyeliner brush - dab the brush in a little water. That's what I'm currently using, but I'm still sniffing around.

    But I feel a need to share with the world the Revlon Outlast lipcolor (16 hour) - that stuff stays on the entire shabbos, even through soup.

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  13. English Major -
    thanks for the pointers :)
    I use Almay (16 hour) eyeliner -- it also stays on well throughout Shabbat!

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