The Whole World is A Very Narrow Bridge...and the main thing to recall is to have no fear at all

Sometimes I think about my life as an old, bitter lady with a few cats, living all alone. Never married. No children. It's a scary thought...
a lot of people (myself included) brush it off with "chas v'shalom" but sometimes, my yetzer hara nudges me: "what if?"
What if it would actually happen?

The answer, my friends, is that all it takes is ONE moment. One day. HaShem can turn your whole life around. It's that one phone call that can happen any fateful day. That day that you're just cleaning your room, and a shadchan or friend calls and tells you that (s)he has someone for you. That day that you're studying for an exam or driving back from work. It can be any moment, any second. It can be today, or tomorrow, or the next day. It can be next week, this month, next month, next year, or in a few years.
It's possible that today is lonely. Today you had a bad experience. Today you feel miserable. But that can all change in a split second. These experiences build us up as people to be stronger and have more clarity. And as a result, we'll appreciate the good when it comes our way -- we'll appreciate it in a manner that we never would have if we hadn't experienced the "negative" moments.

We just can't give up our faith or our tefillot. Because it could be your tefillah TODAY that will change tomorrow, which will, in turn, change the rest of your life. It's davka the moments that we are MOST upset or disheartened that should drive us to daven because as the pasuk in Tehillim says "G-d is close to the broken-hearted and saves those with a crushed spirit" (Tehillim 34:19).

I have a very close friend who went out with a terrific guy, who would've done anything for her. He was your typical "prince charming" in many ways and cared about her deeply. However, for various reasons, she called it off. Right when they were soon to be engaged. The bachur kept trying to reignite their relationship, but his efforts were futile. In the back of her mind, my friend knew that he'd always be there -- in case she didn't meet anyone else, he'd always be waiting for her. She continued dating and had heart-breaking and disappointing experiences.
A couple of months later, "prince charming" got engaged. She was depressed and cried for days because she thought she missed her opportunity. She missed her zivug. She let him go - just like that, and now she'll never find anyone better. She kept dating, and really, she didn't meet anyone who even slightly measured up to him.

Frustrated yet realistic, she decided that she was tired of dating, and she came to the conclusion that she needs to take a break. She felt like she's enjoying the single life and college, and mayyybe in two years, she'll want to get married. She didn't want to be "tied" down...she liked living at home with few responsibilities. She liked not having to worry about parnassah or covering her hair. Nevertheless, she kept praying to HaShem to send her her zivug.
Right after she came to the conclusion that she's taking a long break, on an "ordinary" day...one of her mother's friends met a new customer, who was very friendly and told her that he's trying to marry off his son. She called up my friend's mother, told her about the family and the guy, the guy called my friend, and voila. The rest is history. They're building their home together now.
When I asked her if he measures up to her ex-"prince charming" - she responded: "No...he doesn't measure up. He (her fiance) is even better than I could ever imagine." And smiled.
I received tremendous chizzuk from this friend.
Moral of the story (what I learned, anyway): we might think we're ready, but HaShem knows better. We might think we're not ready, but HaShem knows better. Regardless of our conclusions, we must never submit to our yetzer hara and stop praying or think that our zivug isn't out there. If someone we once thought is our zivug is now married -- then (s)he wasn't our zivug! Someone who's even better for you is out there. As my Mother tells me: "every pot has a lid" -- your lid is out there, and HaShem knows exactly where that person is! Don't give up. Don't throw in the towel just yet, because your life can get better than you've ever imagined and dreamed. :)

Adon Haselichot, Bochen Levavot

Selichot is one of those things that reminds me how much I enjoy and appreciate Sefardi culture. The tunes are very upbeat, yet emotional as well. The lyrics are like daggers and hit you exactly where you need it.
Some Jews are often surprised when they hear how upbeat and "happy" the Sefardi tunes to Selichot are. I had a roommate in seminary who felt uncomfortable listening to it. But here's the thing - our outlook is that these days of teshuva/judgement/Rosh Hashana/Yom Kippur are not only very grave and serious days but also happy days! It's a GOOD and exciting thing to return to our Father in Heaven and receive forgiveness and mercy. (Based on this book)

I'm not familiar with any of the Ashkenazi tunes or lyrics to Selichot, except Avinu Malkeinu. Does anyone recommend any CDs?
I remember hearing that tune as a little girl in an Ashkenazi Synagogue and being so moved. But I didn't know why. I didn't understand Judaism at all.
I looked behind me yesterday - at all the women. Some were swaying, some were crying, some brought relatives or friends who are just beginning to see the light of teshuva and Judaism. It was one of those moments...where you just feel like you have all the clarity. Where you just want to talk to HaShem about everything. Ask Him for anything. Tell Him what's bothering you. Thank Him for saving you. He really did save me...I could've still been that girl, decades later, still confused. Not knowing which siddur to use or what on earth they're reciting and why.

Selichot really make me pause and think...where am I heading? What am I doing with my life? What're my thoughts mainly about? Is my outlook "kamim la'avod et haBoreh" (We wake up to serve The Creator)?

I can hardly wait for all the shiurim this week, and of course, selichot motzei Shabbat b"H. I need the inspiration!

Here's one of my favorites:

What are we living for?

"The purpose of life is not to be comfortable. The Almighty did not put us in this world so that we can cruise through with all the comforts of life, no pain, no challenges, and then to die peacefully under a beach umbrella with a pina colada in hand. The Almighty placed us in this world to face challenges, to perfect our character and to grow spiritually. That is why life is filled with challenges. It is our choice whether to view our challenges as obstacles or stepping stones."
-Rabbi Kalman Packouz

Short and yet a huge chizuk for me. Lately, a lot of things seem like they're falling apart for me and just getting more and more difficult. But that is the point. Adversity builds emunah, love, good middot, and strength.
May HaShem bless us all with the clarity and ability to face and overcome all of our nisyonot!

Happy Wednesday to all :)

Lions, Volcanos, and Car Bombs, oh my!

These past couple of weeks have been full of nissim v'niflaot, as usual. Only this time, they were incredibly obvious, and I have no idea how so many people missed the point.

I was listening to a shiur that shed a lot of light on this issue.

As many of us know, there was a volcano erruption in Iceland that blocked out all flying traffic to and from Europe. The Rav mentioned how this is mida k'neged mida: when there was smoke from the crematoriums, where Jewish bodies were burned in the holocaust, that didn't stop people from flying and continuing with their lives. Davka now, a volcano with hot, dangerous lava that was in a freezing place decided to erupt. However, nobody was killed as a result of this.

FFWD to a few weeks later: a car bomb found in NYC's times square. Police said that had this bomb exploded, it would've wiped out thousands of people (not to mention the cars and buildings it would've ruined.) But no. *The bomb was removed right in time and nobody was killed.

After many people hear the news, how do they respond?

"Oh wow, that's scary."

"Oh, nothing happened. Phew."

Really, now. These are all signs from HaShem. It's a chessed from HaShem that nothing bad happened, but it's also a warning: we're doing something to trigger these potential tragedies.

It's a sign not only to us Jews, but to all Americans, Europeans, and everybody else around the world. It wasn't nature that told the volcano to erupt; it was G-d. G-d decided that now was the time. It was G-d Who decided that the bomb shouldn't have been set off.

What I took from these events was that Western society needs to quit thanking and blaming everything on nature and science. True, there is a technical and scientific reason. G-d made the world that way -- purposely, so that His presence shouldn't be incredibly obvious to the point that we can't have bechira. Western society needs to open their eyes and realize G-d is the one in charge; G-d is The One Who saves us.

Thankfully, these events have been pain-free. But what if the world continues to choose to be deaf and blind? Maybe then G-d will have to send us an even bigger "sign" -- except it might not be an easy and care-free that time around.

I'm not sure how people believe the big bang theory and evolution bologna. I don't buy that anyone REALLY believes in it; they use it as an excuse, so that they'll feel at ease with not following any particular religion. And therefore, be free of obligations.

I hope and pray that society will open up its eyes and see the greatness and glory of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, before the midda of "din" (judgment) has to be used.

*Perhaps this bomb will finally lead Americas to realize a miniscule of a percentage of how Israelis feel and live every day. It's a common occurence in Israel to have a "chefetz chashud" on a street; people phone the police, who then tell everyone to back up, blow it up, and then everyone procceeds with the rest of their regular daily schedule.

The Holocaust: More Relevant Now than Before

As I grow older, the holocaust continues to traumatize me and increasingly forces me to think and re-evaluate my life more.
There's this stigma, that I've heard more than once -- said by people with no shame, that Jews of middle-eastern descent who didn't have relatives killed in the holocaust don't indentify with the holocaust. When I first heard this stereotype, I was shocked. I was shocked that a Jew can tell another Jew such a thing.
I first learned about the holocaust when I was 6 years old. My 1st grade teacher was telling us about yom hashoah. This teacher, unfortunately, didn't have much tact when it came to teaching 1st graders about how evil men slaughtered millions of innocent Jews. She told us about the showers that weren't really water showers, like the ones we bathe in at home, rather -- they were made of gas and killed these people.
The whole issue boggled me. I didn't understand. I raised my hand and asked the teacher "how come G-d helped our avot but not these people?" I had no doubt that HaShem was there, I just didn't understand how He allowed them to be killed. A remedial and naive understanding, obviously.

I came home shaken, and my Mother took me to the library and took out a children's book about Anne Frank. Until this day, the illustrations of Jews with shaven heads are etched in my mind.
For years to follow -- from elementary to middle school, we continued learning about the holocaust. They showed us movies, we read stories, we had survivors come and re-tell their stories. It always gave me the chills, and for years, I was scared to shower. I was scared to sleep with the light off. I was even scared to have books about the holocaust in my room.
And not once did I ever think to myself "these are Ashkenazi Jews. I'm Sefardi." I thought to myself "these are Jews. These are my people - my ancestors." - Just like I thought that the Jews who were killed after the Beit Hamikdash were just Jews who lived 2,000 years ago. Or that the Jews in the Tanach were Jews who lived 4,000 years ago. Everyone who is Jewish was relevant to my life simply because they're Jewish.
It never occurred to me that they were "different" and not related to me, simply because they lived in a different region than my Grandparents did.

Until now, even though I'm able to shower or sleep with the light off, I'm still terrified of holocaust movies and literature. I can't bring myself to visit the camps. Not out of apathy, but out of empathy. There's a voice inside of me that tells me these people were forced to go to these camps and now we're volunteering to do so. Would they want us to? I'm not so sure. I'm not so sure that I want to stand on the same ground where such horrors occurred per the second.

As I grow older, I find that the holocaust is more relevant than ever because my understanding of it develops to be more mature and spiritually aware. There're so many adults, well into their 50s and 60s, who question G-d's existence and use the holocaust as an excuse for not believing. That's precisely why I say it's a rudimentary, immature understanding of it. If one looks closely into the history and details of the Nazis and holocaust, the facts seem so particularly impossible that it's clear that G-d's Hand was fully there in guiding history.
And as I grow older, I read more and more stories, watch more and more footage, and meet more and more people who have miraculous, inspiring stories and positive outcomes.
And it becomes clear to me: G-d was 100% there during the holocaust. The question isn't "Who?" - it's "Why?" But that same exact question has been asked many times before, and Jews didn't lose their faith.

Rabbi Yisrael Meir Lau, Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis, and The Satmer Rebbe are strong figures who come to mind. Their answer to the same question that many struggle with is one that doesn't even question faith.

If anyone's interested in shiurim about "Where was G-d during the holocaust?" and/or "Why did G-d allow the holocaust to happen?", then I highly recommend Rabbi Bentzion Shafier's shiurim. The shiurim are free, and they can completely change one's entire outlook because they shed a lot of light on this dark topic.