Ahhhhh The Gift of Teshuva...

There is a true teshuva story that I think of it relatively often, and it's one of the most beautiful, real, moving stories I've ever heard. I heard it from Rabbi Wallerstein around 5 (or more) years ago, and since then, that story has resonated in me.
I think it's really appropriate before Yom Kippur so that we all realize the power of a Jewish neshama, and the fact that it is never too late to do teshuva.
Even if a person hit "rock bottom," the only place to go is UP.

 

HaShem is the most merciful judge in the world. Even if we were repeated offenders, He gives us countless chances to try again. And again. And again. Until we get it right.
Even when a person is 90 years old and still hasn't found the sense to do teshuva, HaShem STILL gives him life so that he can do teshuva again!
Wow.
Tell me that's not awesome.
No way it can't give you chills.

Ok, now here's the story:

Rabbi Wallerstein teaches in a school where there are many traditional & not-yet-frum boys. He had a student who invited Rabbi Wallerstein, years later, to his wedding. It was a mixed wedding, but the first dance was the "Rabbis dance", so it would be separate dancing, and Rabbi Wallerstein stayed for that.
While waiting for the dance to start, Rabbi Wallerstein was sitting at the same table as the chatan's brother, Jeff. The Rabbi had not seen Jeff in years, and he saw that Jeff had his non-Jewish girlfriend sitting on his lap. He smiled at Rabbi Wallerstein, clearly conscious of this rebellious behavior.
Rabbi Wallerstein went up to Jeff and said "come, let's go dance together." Once Jeff was away from his girlfriend, Rabbi Wallerstein whispered into his right ear "you should know, I was once your Rebbe, and I'm still your Rebbe, and I love you. Nothing is going to change that...no non-Jewish girlfriend or lack of observance." Then the Rabbi whispered into Jeff's other ear: "but I want you to know, you're going to hell."
They danced together, and Jeff shared with Rabbi Wallerstein that he was now a fervent Buddhist. Rabbi Wallerstein invited Jeff to come to his shiur to speak about Buddhism, and long story short: Jeff's neshama tasted the emet of Judaism and he began his teshuva journey.
Rabbi Wallerstein helped Jeff go to yeshiva in Eretz Yisrael. After studying in yeshiva for a few years, Jeff decided it was time to enter shidduchim and find his soulmate.
He was very nervous to date because, you see, he had tattoos. And not just tattoos. But tattoos of Buddha/avoda zara. And not just a few...but many, all over his body - all the way up until his neck. So he would wear high cut shirts to hide those tattoos. But he was terrified that no frum girl would want to marry him with such tattoos. Rabbi Wallerstein gave him chizzuk to start dating and approach this subject when it was relevant.
Well, Jeff met an awesome girl with much Yirat Shamayim. After a few dates, he was sure he wanted to marry her but was nervous that after hearing about his tattoos, she wouldn't want to marry him. He shared his fears with Rabbi Wallerstein, who told Jeff "you have to tell her."

The fateful day arrived, and Jeff's heart was full of tension and panic. How would this wonderful bat yisrael, whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and build a beautiful Jewish home with, react to his news? Would she break up with him on the spot? Would she judge him?
During their date, Jeff was overcome with emotion and told this girl "listen, I have to tell you something."
She listened.
"I have tattoos."
She was silent. He continued.
"And not just a few tattoos...but I have them all over my body. Until my neck. And well...they're not just tattoos. They're tattoos of avoda zara. And I have a big Buddha on my body as well."

There. He revealed his secret. His skeletons. His biggest fear. Now how would she react?
The silence was deafening.
And finally, she spoke up.
"None of that matters to me," she said. "What matters is that you have the letters of HaShem's Name tattooed onto your neshama."

BH they got married. And now they're living in Israel and have a beautiful family.

Wow. What an amazing story.
First of all, the potential of this Jewish neshama. This man, who went from being a non-practicing Jew, and not just a non-practicing Jew, but a Jew dating a goy. And not just dating a goy, but also a Buddhist who was anti-Judaism became a frum man living in Eretz Yisrael.
Second of all, the power of this woman. Who was able to look past all of the external. Who was able to get over the past and look into a better future. She saw straight to this man's neshama and expressed herself to him in a manner that was loving, understanding, positive, and confidence-building.

What I took from this story was that so many times we can get caught up. Caught up in the external. Caught up in the gashmiut. Caught up in OUR past. Caught up in other people's pasts. What this person did to you, what that person did, etc.
But HaShem forgives us whenever we do teshuva. He literally waits for YEARS after we hurt Him day after day and forgives us instantly.
If HaShem can forgive any person, then we also need to. We also need to find the chessed from within and not live in the past.

Don't let your past averot stop you from the person you can become.
It reminds me of a wonderful quote I once saw that said something like "be willing to sacrifice the person you are for the person you can become."
(I might've posted the exact quote on the blog before).

Chazal teach us that Jews have NO yetzer hara on Yom Kippur, and we are compared to Melachim. That means that any averot or wrong actions that we do on Yom Kippur are only due to habit.
Habit can not allow us to withhold our potential.
Yom Kippur is the time to grab your goals and already START doing them. Want to start learning? Don't wait until after Yom Kippur. Start ON Yom Kippur.
Want to start dressing more modestly? Start ON Yom Kippur.
May we all be zochim to enact all of goals, and may we achieve true closeness to HaShem.

Remember that HaShem loves you and is rooting for you!!

Wishing everyone a Gmar Chatima v'Ktiva Tova!

A 9/11 Miracle: in Memory of September 11...

This video moves me every time. HaShem is watching over every single one of us.

Hold on To Your Eggs!

There was a widow who was extremely destitute. She was a mother with many children and struggled even to put a few morsels of bread on the table.
One day, she came across a fresh egg and took it home. An egg was rare in her household.
Her children were so hungry and desperately wanted to eat the egg. With much pain, the mother said "my children, I love you with all my heart, and more than anything, I want to be able to feed you. However, this egg must not be touched. You see, in this egg, is the potential for us to never worry about food. A chick will hatch from this egg. That chick will grow up to be a hen and will lay many eggs. Those eggs will become chicks, and those chicks will become chickens. Once we have a bunch of chickens, we will sell most of them for two cows. Those cows will produce milk, and we will drink the milk and also sell milk. We will eat the chickens and their eggs, which will continue to yield more chickens.
So, you see, my beloved children, we must not touch this egg! It is our only hope."
Overwhelmed with her successful plan, the widow (just for one second!) weakened her grasp on the egg, and the egg fell on the floor and cracked.
What a sad day it was in her house.

This story, as heartbreaking as it is, is a mashal that is brought down in sefarim. This widow is so many of us. We make plans for the new year. This year, I'll be x, y, and z. This year, I'll have a, b, and c. This year, I'll do 1, 2, and 3.
But... the desire is not enough. We need to have a plan.
So we make a plan.
But a plan is just that - it's a plan. "Rabot machshavot b'lev esh..."
thoughts are not enough. We must GRASP our plan by actively living it from the moment that we think of it.
If one decides to keep Shabbat, then that's it. Start THIS Shabbat! Not NEXT Shabbat.
If one decides to start learning two halachot a day, then it's not tomorrow that one should start. Start today! Pick up a sefer now, register on dailyhalacha.com or torahminute.com and start receiving the halachot now!
If one decides to start dressing modestly, then don't wait until next month to start wearing x, y, or z. Start today!

I've heard the same thing about dieting. About exercise. About smoking.
The tomorrow diet is a dream that many people live - because it's exactly that: "tomorrow". Well, tomorrow's tomorrow is also tomorrow, so that's at least one day lost. And then the next, and then the next.

Carp Diem - seize the day! Chazal teach us to do tshuva every day because we never know when our last day is.
As soon as we feel inspiration, we must grasp it and right away use it, or else we risk that it will just slip through our fingers.

This is not a dvar Torah that sits well right away because our yetzer hara wants us to be lazy. To be "chilled". To be laid back. But no. Many tzadikim have shivered at the phrase "kill time."
A Jew doesn't waste time. A Jew needs to utilize every moment to grow closer to His Creator. What can I do today to get closer to HaShem? What can I do today to improve myself?
Because we can only do mitzvoth in this world. In the next world, it's too late. There're no mitzvoth. There's only schar for what we did HERE in this world.

I know that's something that I definitely need to work on during these days of teshuva before Yom Kippur, and in general. Procrastination seems to be the yetzer hara's best friend, but how many times have I procrastinated 1 min then 5 min then 1 hour until I'm late or until I missed the opportunity to do something good?

BH may we all be zoche to make the most of our time and constantly grow closer to HaShem Yitbarach and to do our Avodat HaShem b'simcha!

Shana Tova to all :)

Who's Really Rich?

Would you rather be happy or rich? Most people will respond, "Happy!" However, do we work more to be happy or rich? Most people work at being rich far more than they work at being happy. Perhaps deep down we think -- even though we know better -- that happiness comes through being rich. There are enough unhappy rich people to disprove the notion. There is more to happiness than wealth!

And how do many people pursue happiness? They strive for physical acquisitions and indulgences -- and then wonder why a nicer car, a nicer house doesn't make them happy.

The Secret to being happy. It is simple. It just isn't always easy. All one has to do is to focus on what he has. The secret for misery is focusing on what one lacks or thinks he lacks.

However, a person can know how to be happy and do nothing to increase his or her happiness. It takes effort and that can be uncomfortable. So, we often avoid the effort it takes to be happy.

There is at least one exception to focusing on what you have in order to be happy. If you pursue something meaningful and important, as a bi-product you will likely have happiness. Perhaps by doing something altruistic and accomplishing, the pleasure comes more easily. It doesn't take the effort required to focus on what we take for granted.

Rabbi Noah Weinberg, of blessed memory, the founder of Aish HaTorah, loved using the following scenario to drive home the secret to happiness:

Imagine standing on the 70th floor of the Empire State building. Suddenly, a man opens a window and says, "I'm going to jump!" You call out, "Stop! Don't do it!" And he replies, "If you try to stop me, I'll take you with me!"

The guy is 6'5" and weighs 260 pounds, so you say, "OK... but any last messages? Perhaps there's someone I should notify?" He says, "You seem like an intelligent, friendly person. I'll give you 15 minutes to try to dissuade me, but first let me tell you my troubles so you'll understand why I want to jump."

For hours you listen to him tell you about the most horrific misfortunes and tragedies. You've never heard stories like this. By the end, you're crying your eyes out. Finally, he turns to you and says, "I'm miserable. Why should I go on living?"

What can you possibly say? Suddenly, you get a flash of inspiration! "Sir, if on top of all your troubles you also happened to be blind, would you be more or less miserable? He replies, "Certainly, more miserable!" You then continue, "So you would then definitely jump?" "Of course!" he replies.

Now, imagine that you're leaning out the window about to jump and suddenly there's a miracle. You can see! You see people, the sun, clouds, birds flying in the sky! Would you jump ... or would you wait a week to look around?"

The man answers, "I suppose I'd stick around for a week." "What about all of your troubles and miseries?" you ask. "So, what? Now I can see!"

If a person really appreciates that he can see then all of his miseries are nothing. On the other hand, if you take everything you have for granted, nothing you'll ever receive in life will bring you lasting happiness. The secret of happiness is to really appreciate what you have.

Appreciating the pleasures we have is a simple and effective means to happiness. Every evening when you sit down with your family or a friend, discuss five pleasures each of you experienced that day. Incorporate this into your daily ritual -- especially if you have children. Eventually, those around you will be focused throughout the day on what pleasures they had so that they can share them with you.

 

(This post is copied from Rabbi Kalman Packouz's Shabbat Shalom Weekly Newsletter)

Ahavat Chinam - yay yay yay!

Well, now that we know that a lack of hakarat hatov/gratitute leads to jealousy, which leads to hate, we know the basis of sinat chinam.
Many people probably heard of Ahavat Chinam already, but how many of us actually know what this means?

We are taught that one way to help rebuild the Beit Hamikdash is Ahavat Chinam, which is baseless love. But what does baseless love mean? How can we practice it on the daily basis? Afterall, it's not every day that we see an old lady with groceries who needs help crossing the road. It's not every day that we help a kid who is lost at the mall. It's not every day that we need to rescue a drowning victim.
The beatles and hippies in the 1960s also thought they have baseless love. Loving everyone regardless of actions, beliefs, etc.
But they didn't bring Mashiach. In fact, they brought a lot of evil into the world with so much liberalism and "freedom", but that is a different discussion.
So what is Ahavat Chinam and how can we fufill that mitzvah on a daily basis?

Here're two VERY practical daily implications to increase ahavat chinam in Am Yisrael:
1. Increase Your Hakarat Hatov:
we say "modeh ani" to G-d every single morning that we wake up and have a new opportunity to experience life and fulfill our potential.
But G-d is not the only One that we need to give hakarat hatov to.
Every single person, regardless of his or her upbringing and situation, owes hakarat hatov to their Parents. Many people mistakenly assume that they don't owe their parents any respect if their parents haven't brought them up correctly. But to think like that is completely anti-ethical to what the Torah teaches us.
The Shulchan Aruch codifies it as halacha that every individual must respect his or her parents. The Shulchan Aruch gives an example of a parent who hits his child, yells at his child, and embarrasses his child (note: child doesn't mean a minor. A person is his parent's child even if he is 50 years old!)
What a terrible thing, lo aleinu. And yet, as terrible as that situation is, the Shulchan Aruch tells us it is ASSUR for that child to talk back, hit back, or insult his parents. (But that child SHOULD get away from such a parent. That isn't disrespectful; that's saving the child's life.)
Rabbi Wallerstein emphasizes the halacha that even if a parent is a rasha, a completely evil person, his child still has an obligation to respect him!
Even a mamzer, who is excommunicated in many ways in the community and can't marry a regular Jew, must respect his mother - even though his mother is the one who caused him to have the status of a mamzer!
Amazing. Really. If it wasn't clear halacha, it would be hard to believe.
But the reason for all this emphasis on kibud av v'em is that even in the most difficult situations, a person MUST have gratitude to his parents for the sole reasons that they are the ones who are responsible for giving him life and bringing him into this world.
The start to appreciating life is to appreciate the people who brought you into this world.

A person who has appreciation will appreciate what G-d does for him. If a person appreciates what G-d does for him, then he will be happy with life and not be jealous of others (see my last post on the blog).

How many people wait until a person has died to say "I wish i would've appreciated him/her more" or "I loved her so much...how i wish I would've told her."
The shiva, r"l, is too late. Express your feelings, love, and gratitude now before it's too late.

If we appreciate what we have, we'll give to others more easily because we'll realize how good we have it and how we should share our goodness with others.
2. Do Chessed Without Calculations!
Many people have an assumption that you only do chessed and things for others because they did something for you or because you have a particular reason. For example, helping someone who is ill because you also had that illness once. Or helping someone who's from an abused home because you also came from an abused home.
Or helping someone because they have no else one.
Now of course that is a HUGE mitzvah and something priceless and commendable.
But a person doesn't NEED to have a reason to do chessed! How about helping someone just because they're going through pain? Just because they need a friend? Just because they need a good influence in their life? Just because they need help?
We learn this from Avraham Avinu, the epitome of true chessed. What did the malachim, whom he thought were arabs, ever do for him? When he invites them offer, he says (loosely translated) "if I've found favor in your eyes...please come to my home" - he asks them do ME the favor.
That's how we should view helping our fellow Jew. They're doing ME the favor by needing help.
Rabbi Wallerstein gave two examples in one of his shiurim. Many times (particularly in Jewish communities in Eretz Yisrael and NY), such as after shacharit or a shiur in shul, people who need a ride but don't have a car will ask around (somewhat shyly) - "is anyone driving to ________?"
So instead of waiting for someone to ask you, you can get up and say "I'm driving to Brooklyn. Does anyone need a ride?"
Or as is common at weddings, many single girls don't have a ride to the wedding and need to car pool. You can ask the kallah before the wedding "does anyone from _______ (your city) need a ride to your wedding?" or during the wedding, you can spread the word that you're driving to ________, and you're happy to give a ride if anyone needs one.

The second example Rabbi Wallerstein gives is that often times, beggars (both Jewish and nonJewish) are sitting outside in the sweltering heat of the summer or freezing cold winter, asking for money. People give them money, but few people offer to get them a cold drink or hot drink. The beggars are often hesistant to take a 10 minute "break" from begging to go get themselves a drink because they'll lose money gaining opportunities during that time that they're not asking for money.
Regardless of whether or not the beggar is a nice person, (s)he is still a human being, and no human enjoys being overly hot and sweaty or freezing!
A nice thing to do is to say "can I please get you a drink?"

3. Daven For People - While On the Street!
I heard this idea from Rebbetzin kaganoff a few years ago at a summer learning session that I attended. This beautiful idea really made a strong impression on me & completely enhanced my life and ahavat yisrael. If you apply this to your life, I have no doubt that your ahavat chinam will enhance tremendously.
Always daven for people - not just during shmonah esreh!
Yes, shmona esreh is an amazing and important tefilla, but seek other opportunities to daven as well.
If you receive an e-mail or text or read a blog post/news article that someone is sick, say at least 1 perek of Tehillim. If you dont have time to say some Tehillim, you can simply say "HaShem please send this person a refua shlemah"
If you see a pregnant woman on the street, you can daven/whisper quietly while walking and say "HaShem please help her have an easy birth and healthy baby."
If you see a single, daven "G-d please send this person a good zivug."
If you see a Jew who is off the derech or not yet religious say "HaShem please help this person have opportunities to do teshuva and be close to You."
If you see a couple who are experiencing difficulty with conceiving children, you can pray "HaShem please help this couple have healthy and holy Jewish children."

Davening for strangers takes merely seconds and is just so beautiful. You establish a completely different connection and outlook towards members whom you don't know (and even ones who you do know) in am yisrael.
4. Resolve Your Issues with People But Also Stay Away!
If you have an issue/conflict with a friend or family member that can be sorted out through communication, a helpful mediator (such as a Rav or therapist), then go for it! There is a commandment that we are not allowed to hate a fellow Jew in our heart. Why does the pasuk say in "your heart"? Because you can't keep it IN. First, ideally, you should try to resolve to conflict within yourself. But if that's not doable, then calmly and rationally express your feelings to the person.
However, if for whatever reason, this is not possible or feasible, or you already tried doing so and that solution failed, then simply stay away from the people who annoy you, upset you, bring you down, etc. Once you have a distance from them, FORGIVE them & move on with your life.
There's no sin in staying away from a person who harms you, be it spiritually/religiously, emotionally, financially, physically. In fact, in most cases, it is probably a mitzvah to stay away from such an influence.
5. Give Tzdaka
Rambam teaches us that giving a little bit of tzdaka often is better than seldom giving a lot at the once. Why? Because giving tzdaka often conditions us to be giving. Humans are often habitual creations. By giving oa little bit daily or often, we get into the habit of being giving people. Giving a lot once in a while is certainly praiseworthy, but it doesn't bring out the midda of chessed and giving.
Aim to give tzdaka with kavana and a smile on your face. Even if it's "just" a penny or nickel a day in your tzdaka box at home, the very act of giving is praiseworthy! If a little bit once a day is no doable, then aim for once a week - like on Erev Shabbat. If that's not doable, aim for once a month.
Again, no amount is too little, and it's incredible how quickly and efficiently a little bit a day or once a week adds up to in a year.
Once a year, or whenever reached a certain amount, donate the money to the charity organization/cause of your choice. 


Again, many of the ideas posted here is credited to Rabbi Wallerstein. Shiur is linked in my last blog post :)

May HaShem help us all work on ourselves and to have true Ahavat Chinam!
May everyone have a Shabbat Shalom u'Mevorach!

Sinat Chinam - oy oy oy oy!

Well, my dear friends in the world of blogger, I'm back! (da na na na na! Just gotta include that tune! ;) )
I know I've written that phrase so many times, but the truth is, I'm never really gone from blogger. I check updates, and I've started blog posts so many times but then just don't get around to finishing them. I miss this blog, as I have it mainly for selfish purposes (hey, just being honest here). It gives me great chizzuk, and whoever reads it is joining me along the beautiful journey of life.

Sinat Chinam. Oy! How terrible it is. Afterall, it is due to sinat chinam that we don't have a Beit Hamikdash.
But what on earth does sinat chinam mean? And what is the cause?
Chazal teach us that the first Beit Hamikdash was destroyed due to the three cardinal sins: shfichat damim, avoda zara, and gilui arayot. Those were terrible sins, but merely 70 years later, a 2nd Beit Hamikdash was built! Despite the gravity of our sins, we were able to merit the Beit Hamikdash that we so long for now.
That means that Am Yisrael repented & HaShem forgave and gave us another chance to be close to Him. But what was the reason that the 2nd Beit Hamikdash destroyed? Sinat Chinam. And we still don't have a 3rd Temple, so that means we STILL haven't done enough teshuva and still haven't gotten rid of sinat chinam.
Wow. I mean... is sinat chinam really so much worse than murder? Worse than avoda zara?! Worse than promiscuity??
It must be, since the Temple was built relatively quickly the second time, and we're still waiting for nearly 2000 years for the 3rd Temple to be rebuilt (may it be built b'mehera b'yameinu!)
So, it is obvious that sinat chinam is a really big deal.

But did you ever wonder what sinat chinam actually is? I remember always thinking it's hating someone without a reason, but honestly, out all everyone you know - how many people just hate someone without a reason?
I don't know many.
I do know many people who hate someone because that person hurt them in some way.
So what's the deal with sinat chinam?
The quick answer is that when we don't have hakarat hatov, we have jealousy, and jealousy leads to sinat chinam.
Ready to delve into our amazing Holy Torah?

So, let's go to the very beginning...
Adam was formed from dirt. Why dirt? Because dirt has the most potential for growth, for life, for sustenance. Afterall, everything we eat grows from dirt. Vegetation is needed for all animals to surirve. Dirt is needed for trees to grow; trees that give us oxygen, paper, wood, and countless of other benefits.
But dirt is also something very low, and well, dirty (hey, the word is called DIRTy for a reason!) That is to remind us that we are "afar" - dust. We will become dust after we die...our bodies will be nothing. That should greatly humble human beings and realize that THIS WORLD is the only place where we can use our potential, since, afterall we are made of dirt. But at the same time, we should keep in mind, that our potential is not timeless, and we will soon (hopefully after 120 BH) become dust. Then our potential will be over, and the only thing we will have left in olam haba is our mitzvot that we fulfilled in this world.
Okay, so something interesting about dust.
Think of something beautiful, like gold, silver, or black marble tiles. If they are covered in dust, they aren't so beautiful anymore. The dust conceals their beauty.
That's what happens to a person when he is jealous. His jealousy will cover up anything good that he has in his life. Jealousy blinds a person. It spreads through a person's mind like an illness and slowly but surely will completely destroy the jealous person.

What does jealousy have to do with anything?
Because jealousy is ALWAYS the cause of sinat chinam.

(she doesn't look like a happy camper, does she?")
Rabbi Wallerstein once gave a shiur, and a man came up to him and said "please help me. I am  jealous of so many of my friends...their businesses/parnassa, their clothes, their wives... how can I stop?"
Rabbi Wallerstein told him that his jealousy is merely a symptom of his real problem. The true basis to this man's problem is that he need a sense of self. if you're happy with yourself, then you wont care what anyone else has!
Chazal teach us "ezehu ashir? Hasameach bchelko." - "who is rich? The one who is happy with his lot."
This is just so, so, SO true. Wow. The wisdom of Chazal. How much this applies today, perhaps more than ever!
Because there will ALWAYS be someone richer. There will ALWAYS be someone more beautiful. There will ALWAYS be someone who has a "better" spouse. There will ALWAYS be someone who has more well behaved children. There will ALWAYS be someone who seems to have it better than you do.
But your reality is what you make of it. If you live your life appreciating everything you have and looking at everything in your life without comparisons, then you will slowly start to love your own life and not have any desire to live someone else's life.

There's a Mishna that says "kina motzia et haadam m'haolam" - translated as "jealousy takes out a person from this world." What does that mean? We're still alive even if we're jealous! We're still breathing, still walking, still functioning, aren't we?
This Mishna is teaching us that the person who is jealous doesn't have a sense of self. If I don't have a sense of sense, then there is no me! I'm wrongly trying to live the other person's life if I'm jealous. My thoughts will eat me up and absolutely take away any gratitude for what G-d gave ME. So therefore, I dont have me - it's like im not in this world.

We're all individuals. Every single person in the world is special and unique - there was never anyone exactly like you in the world, and there never will be! (Yes, including you! The person reading this!)
Every person has a finger print that no one else has. So just like you don't have the same finger print as anyone else, you also shouldn't have anything else to do with anyone's bank account, looks, marriage, etc.
Every individual should focus on your himself by working on making HIMSELF happy. He shouldn't work on himself by trying to compete with other people! In fact, theres no such thing as positive competition in the Torah. Whenever people try to compete, we see disasterous results, such as w/ kayin and hevel or with korach v'adato!

There's an interesting and amusing mazal that kina (jealousy) and sina (hatred) went for a walk. They met a king, and he said to kina, I'll give you anything - whatever you ask for, and I'll give sina twice the amount of whatever you ask for. kina got annoyed and exclaimed "I don't want sina to have more than me!" So, kina thought about it & came to a decision. He requested that the king to punch out his eye, so sina would then lose both eyes.
How crazy is that?!
Anyone who reads that thinks how foolish kina was. He could've gained something, but instead he lost something just so that his enemy could suffer.
That's how terrible jealousy is. Who suffers the MOST from being jealous? The person who is jealous! He is willing to harm himself just so that the other person can lose something, so that the jealous person will feel like he has more.

So, my friends, we see here how terrible jealousy is. How much it can ruin people's lives. No wonder it's part of the 10 Commandments that it's assur for us to be jealous!
And just as much as jealousy ruins a person's life, sina can also eat a person alive - literally. To the point of murder and self-destruction.
The only way to overcome jealousy, even a speck of it, is to completely zoom out of other people's lives and to focus on the GOOD in our lives.
Once we appreciate and love OURSELVES, we can do ahavat chinam with our fellow Jews. Why love ourselves first? Because a person can only give over what he has.
If I don't love myself, how can I love someone else?

An explanation of ahavat chinam, including tips, will be'ezrat HaShem be posted in the near future.

May we all merit to work on our middot and see all of the good HaShem bestows upon us, and may we me merit to see the Beit HaMikdash rebuilt in our times b'mehera b'yameinu, amen.

***I credit most of the divrei Torah here to an excellent shiur given by Rabbi Wallerstein.

The Mission...Possible.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this on the blog before, but one of my favorite hobbies is people watching. I like looking at people. Random people. All kinds of people. Analyzing their actions, their thoughts, their pasts, present, and future.

As I walk around the streets, I notice so many people. There are just SO many people in this incredible world that HaShem created. Everyone's walking. Quickly. Everyone seems to be in such a rush. And the ones who aren't seem to be weak. Tired. The old lady with her dog. The exhausted mother with her baby in the carriage.
And I wonder: everyone is heading somewhere. Clearly everyone is walking...so that means they're moving - but WHERE are they all going?

There're billions of people in the world. Nearly everyone, who is able to, leaves to the house at some point and walks somewhere. Everyone has that destination. That store they must go to, the errand that needs to be done, the meeting that needs to be attended, the doctor's appointment they must go to...

And why is that so? Why is it that most people don't dwell in their homes all day long? FOREVER?

Because that is the way of the world - that people are always moving. Our mind goes crazy if we're idle and tells the body: BE BUSY! If that's true for the physucal reality of the world, then shouldn't that also be the spiritual reality of this world? That our neshama should always be moving?

And just like people KNOW where they're walking to - shouldn't our neshama KNOW where its going?

And anyway, what is our neshama?

Well, I once heard an amazing quote that, since then, has become one of my all-time favorite quotes. "You DON'T have a soul. You have a body. You ARE a soul."

Our neshama is our essence. Our essence is just BEGGING to be close to HaShem. There's this magnetic pull. If you can picture your neshama in Shamayim... it would just instantly pull towards where the Shechina is.

Yet, we're in this world. And so many people, SO many of these billions of people, have no idea that they have a soul. No idea that their soul has an ultimate destination. They just live for the moment. "Go with the flow"
Or go by the motto "life is a deck of cards - you get what's handed to you."

Of those billions of people, we have around 13 million Jews in the world. How many Jews know where they're heading - spiritually?

Now how about you? Yes, you. The one reading this! Do you know where you're heading? Do you realize that every second in this world is CRUCIAL to your life mission, otherwise HaShem wouldn't keep you here?

Scary thoughts.

But no. It's only a scary thought if these were questions that nobody knows the answer to.
Thank G-d, we have a manual to guide us and allow us to access the truth. HaShem gave us the Torah - "etz chayim hee" - she (the Torah) is a tree of life. We LIVE by the Torah. It's not just a lifestyle or a history book or a book full of good advice. It's literally life. Anything antithetical to Torah is death.
That's the only way a neshama can be successful in this world: to view the Torah as LIFE and anything that is NOT Torah is DEATH.

Let's look at what HaRamchal, Rav Moshe Chaim Luzzatto z"l, wrote in his fundamental work of "Mesillat Yesharim" - Path of the Just. His introduction to this incredible sefer is A MUST read for every single Jew. "Chovat Ha'Adam b'olama" - man's obligation (or mission) in this world.

Bli neder, I will post it one day. It's truly life changing.

Shabbat Shalom :)

Juggling the Extremes

Or am I?

Well, yes, I've moved to this new land.
It's sort of near Shamayim.
Have you heard of it?
I'll give you a hint: it starts with the word "Eretz" :)

Oh, and, I have a mini special somebody around whom I carried for 9 months (well, 39 weeks and a few days, actually, but who's counting?).

Baruch HaShem!
So, yes, I've been busy.
But why am I making excuses, anyway? I never committed to a blog.

But still. This blog holds a special place in my heart. It was an island for both my vents and my chizzuk.

To all the readers who have sent me emails: please don't think that I was ignoring you.
I seriously only checked the emails a few days ago. For the first time. I'm not joking.

Anywho, it was Purim a few weeks ago.
Purim has a lot of gadlut to it...it's such a shame so many people miss out the spiritual opportunity and instead solely indulge in physical opportunities (ie: drunk men.)
Speaking of drunk men...
when I was 19, after witnessing one too many religious guys get drunk on Purim, I decided that if my husband would ever get drunk on Purim, I would change the locks to our front door and let him sleep outside.
It was only fair to warn my innocent husband-to-be while we were engaged that I can be cruel if my husband decides to join the drunk frummy bandwagen.
So Baruch HaShem my husband is not one of those idiotic drunk men on Purim (or ever) :)
May HaShem help those men, and may He help me not get so mad at them every year.

Oftentimes, spiritual opportunities can completely pass us by. Why's that? Because whenever there's potential for great purity and holiness, there's also potential for great tuma.

A perfect example of this is:

A perfect example of this is motzei Shabbat. Motzei Shabbat is the time when the holy Shabbat is over, but the queen is still in the vacinity. Our neshama yetera leaves us, and we're left with a feeling of loneliness. Suddenly, we feel the need to do something fulfilling.
Ever wonder why there's such a temptation to "go out" and "have fun" on motzei Shabbat? Yep, that's why. And sadly, many Jews in the world think that going to a movie, club, party, etc. motzei Shabbat will help them fill the lonely spot.
But no.
Since we lost something spiritual, we can only fix the feeling of emptiness with something spiritual. So we have a melaveh malka meal filled with divrei Torah, songs, music, and connection to HaShem.
But this takes a lot of effort! Especially because there's such a strong yetzer hara to ignore the spiritual void and to focus on the physiciality. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Saturday night is the most avera-filled evening of the week.

Wherever there's potential for great kedusha, there's also potential for great tuma. Interestingly enough, it doesn't work the other way. If there's a place filled with tuma - you're most likely not going to find great kedusha there.

We also see this in our parashat hashavua (2 weeks ago) with the incident of chet haegel. How could Bnei Yisrael commit just a horrendous avera? They just witnessed Har Sinai and heard HaShem speak to them! I mean, what's more holy and life-changing than that?!
It's a question that all the mefarshim deal with, and many different answers are given. The main one being that it was mainly the erev rav - 1% of the nation who committed the sin.
But still. How could the 1% commit such a grave sin?
The answer is: where there's potential for great kedusha, there's also potential for great tuma.
They could've waited for Moshe while learning together, davening, staying on the high and embracing the holiness that just came upon them. But that's not what happened.

A wise person never thinks he's ONLY immersed in kedusha. Don't be fooled. Be wise and always look out and be aware of the tuma. Never think that you're untouchable, and that the yetzer hara can't fool you. (But also don't think that you're doomed! Afterall, chazal (kiddushin 30b) teach us that HaShem said "barati yetzer hara, barati lo Torah tavlin" (I created the yetzer hara, but I also created the Torah as the antidote for it.)

Once you know what you're competing against, you can use the tools and strength from the yetzer hatov to win the battle and live in the life of holiness.

Mannnnn I just want to LIVEEEEE IN THE HHHHHHOLINESSSSSSSS!


Hatzlacha Rabba to all of my readers. I'll try to respond to all of the emails soon.

(Special shout out to one of my dear readers & former Garden of Emuna chavruta: your email was accidentally deleted, but I would really love to respond to it. Please e-mail me again soon!)

I hope to post soon. But I can't promise :)

Love,
Sefardi Gal

Holy Cow!!!

These awesome words of Torah are mostly from Rabbi Wagensberg.

The seemingly paradoxical nature of the mitzvah of Parah Adumah (red heifer) makes it particularly troublesome. The ashes of the parah adumah were used to purify people who became tameh by coming into contact with a dead body, yet the Cohanim, who prepared the purifying ashes became impure in the process!

What many people don't know, though, is that the Cohen became impure for only ONE day while, with the ashes of the parah adumah, he could made MILLIONs of tameh people to be pure FOREVER.

Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa.

What a lesson.

Temporary impurity can lead to millions of people becoming pure and staying pure FOREVER.

We must realize that our power to fix things is exponentially greater than our ability to destroy them. One tiny spark of light can dispel vast amounts of darkness because the powers of positive energy in this world are far more potent than the powers of negative energy!

It's never easy to be the first one to do the right move. And sometimes (more often than not - due to our friend and foe, the yetzer hara) the right move even feels like the WRONG move. But when you finally do that right move - it can influence the WHOLE world. Thousands are you. That one moment or that relatively temporary discomfort for you can lead to so, so, so many people growing because of it.

For example, it's never easy to be the first one in a less religious group to become MORE religious or observant. Say, for a example, a bunch of girls who don't dress modestly, or even those who dress somewhat modestly and then suddenly, one decides that she wants to become MORE modest. She decides: you know what? I'm going to wear longer skirts. I'm going to wear looser shirts. I'm going to wear stockings. I'm going to wear darker stockings since clear, nude colored stockings aren't modest according to most opinions that require women to cover their calves. I'm going to wear a mitpachat even though most people wear wigs.

Do her friends, her family, envrionment, etc. ALLOW her to make this decision easily?? Does she feel good RIGHT after she makes the change? Most likely NOT! Yetzer hara will make her feel guilt. Impurity. Difficulty.

Or take a guy, who decides - I'm not going to clubs anymore. I'm not going to hang out with those guys anymore. I'm not going to sleep late anymore and miss minyan. I'm not going to go to movies anymore. (The list is endless!)

Will his friends ALLOW him to make this decision easily? Does he feel good RIGHT after he makes the change? Surprise surprise most likely NOT!!! Yetzer hara will do everything in his power to make him feel impure, guilty, and not worthy.

But every single person who is doing the right thing.... NO EXCEPTIONS... will find that if he or she perserves and continue doing that mitzvah then NOT ONLY will everyone around him or her ACCEPT him but they will ALSO emulate him! Just by that one choice to improve, then in a lifetime, you can influence thousands, even millions, without even realizing!

Never give in just because it's difficult. You will receive tremendous benefit. Spiritual AND physical both in this world and in the next world. It just USUALLY WON'T BE IMMEDIATE!

Amazing, right?! The Cohen becomes "impure" by doing the right thing but helps thousands in the process. And then, of course, he becomes even more pure the next day. Why? Because he did the right thing. Yes, it wasn't easy to become impure. But it was worth it in the long run. He helped himself, by doing Avodat HaShem, as well as helping Klal Yisrael.

To finish off, I'll share a personal story with you. As I've mentioned before, I don't wear any wigs, baruch HaShem. Even though I was sure, for many years, that I wouldn't wear a wig, AND I knew exactly WHY I'm NOT wearing a wig, and I strongly believe in it, I still struggled with it. Afterall, I was used to donning my hair for 20+ years. I was used to that look, that confidence, etc. Baruch HaShem, it got easier and easier with every day.
When I started working, I was unsure how my haircoverings would be received. To be completely honest, I didn't really care or think about Granted, I worked in a Jewish environment, but
a) not everyone there covered their hair
b) almost everyone there who DID cover their hair wore wigs. And these were not women who were wearing plain wigs. They were wearing fancy, lavish, long, & styled wigs.

within a week, I was SHOCKED. At least 5 women came up to me - JUST in the first week - to ask me either...
a) how I have the koach to cover my hair so properly and beautifully
b) where I buy my scarves
c) where THEY can buy the same scarves
d) how THEY can cover their hair like mine

I was truly taken by surprise. I'm only here for one week and this is the impression I've made?

So without ANY gaavah I'm telling you - YES! Whenever a Jew is doing the RIGHT thing and KEEPING the Torah, then (s)he influences those around him or her. No doubt about it.
Yes, more often than not, it's not easy doing the right thing. Torah is not easy.
But who said it's meant to be easy? Who said anything worthwhile in this life is easy?

Anyone remember my favorite quote??
"The purpose of life is not to be comfortable. The Almighty did not put us in this world so that we can cruise through with all the comforts of life, no pain, no challenges, and then to die peacefully under a beach umbrella with a pina colada in hand. The Almighty placed us in this world to face challenges, to perfect our character and to grow spiritually. That is why life is filled with challenges. It is our choice whether to view our challenges as obstacles or stepping stones."
-Rabbi Kalman Packouz

May HaShem help us all to be on the right path and stay strong and influence others
in the process!

Now I'm off to make a banana chocolate chip cake. Hopefully it will inspire the humans around it to eat it. :D

Shabbat Shalom u'Mevorach! :)

The Roads We Pave

Ever wonder why we have lines on the palm of our hands? How come animals don't have lines on their paws?

Whatever is in the physical world mirrors what's in the spiritual world. It's to teach us that our neshama also has "lines" on it.

What're these neshama lines?

These neshama lines are our all of our mitzvot (good deeds) and averot (sins). Each time someone does a mitzvah, (s)he creates a positive line on his/her neshama.
That line is called a neshama ROAD.

For example, a person who lit Shabbat candles even once, opened up a road of the mitzvah of Shabbat candles.
A person who, c"vs, does an avera, even ONCE - opens up a road of that particular avera.

Once the road is open, it's extremely difficult to erase it. You can close it by never going through that road again, but that still won't ERASE the road. Only TRUE remorse and repentenance out of love will ERASE that road forever.

That's why - when people say "what's the big deal? I'm just smoking weed ONCE." "What's the big deal? I'm just going to wear this short skirt ONCE." "What's the big deal? I'm just going to miss praying mincha this ONCE." -- not only did that person MISS the opportunity to do a mitzvah AND did an avera, but also this person opened a ROAD of that particular avera. Don't even THINK about doing the avera even once. Because your first time can become a lifetime.

Rabbi Wallerstein explains that that is the reason so many people who were once an alcoholic - are ALWAYS alcoholics and end up going back to AA so many times. They have all of these roads of alcohol and excessive drinking opened in the neshama. Only the few who work very hard at overcoming their passion and lust for drinking and truly truly regret what they did and REPENT are the ones who never go back. The second they take EVEN one drink again - that's it. They're back to be alcoholics.

Once you have so many roads open, it's very easy to get lost on your destination of life. Your destination to Olam Haba. The real world. Afterall, as Pirkei Avot and Mesillat Yesharim so beautifully informs us - this world is just a "posdor" - an enterance to the main ballroom which is Olam Haba.

Oyyyyyy how many roads of averot we all must have.

The good news is: we also have roads of mitzvot. And if we truly regret the roads of averot that we created, then we can completely erase those roads and ONLY have roads of mitzvot.

The Jewish Nation needs to WAKE UP!!!! We live in a world of ACTIONS and CONSEQUENCES. We need to take responsibility for our actions and KNOW the consequences. We are creating so many roads... so so so so many. Countless every day. There is NOWHERE that the body goes WITHOUT the neshama until our last day in this world. Our neshama experiences EVERYTHING that the body does - be it the good or the bad.

HaShem wants every single Jew act holy, because every Jew IS holy, and HaShem wants us all to be close to Him. Our Yetzer Hatov is begging us - keep your neshama ALIVE, and our Yetzer Hara is begging us, BURNING us, please destroy your neshama. Make it as dirty as possible. Open as many terrible, bumpy, dangerous roads as possible.

It's a war.

Expect, unlike a physical war between two nations -- this war requires only our decision. Do I want to be good or bad? Do I think that I'm a neshama or a body? Am I an animal or spiritual being?

The choice is OURS.

Will we let our neshama create positive, sturdy, clean paved roads of mitzvot, or will we let our neshama create negative, dark, dirty, bumpy roads of averot?

It's up to us.
May HaShem give us all Siyata D'Shamaya to successfully fight this battle and only create roads that will take us in a positive direction & closer to the Shechina!

Two paths. ONLY.

Shavuot is my favorite chag for many reasons. Among the top reasons:
1. The "symbol" or "prop" of this Chag is the Torah. Matan Torah...the basis of our lives and purpose in this world. What else could be a greater celebration?
2. Sivan is my favorite month. My birthday is also in Sivan :D
3. Cheesecake. YUM!

Personal favoritism aside, there are countless lessons to learn from this holy time period.

For now, we'll focus on just one, out of the many, in this post. This lesson is taken from a wonderful shiur by Rabbi Wallerstein.

Why do we read Megillat Rut on Shavuot? We're celebrating the fact that we received the Torah. Why are we reading about a righteous convert to Judaism?

One of the "basic" reasons that Megillat Rut is read on Shavuot because David HaMelech came from Rut, and David Hamelech was born on Shavuot and passed away on Shavuot. However, there are much deeper reasons for reading this holy Megillah.
Among them are:
-Mashiach comes from David Hamelech, and one of our goals is to bring Mashiach.
-After Rut converted, a letter "hey" - symbolizing HaShem's Name, and therefore, holiness, was added to her name. Rut + hey = Torah.
-Rut has the gematria of 606, symbolizing that she kept the 7 noahide mitzvot before she was Jewish, and therefore, was a righteous gentile. After she converted, she had to add 606 mitzvot, rsther than 613.
-Rut shows us the loyalty that we should have for HaShem, Torah, Mitzvot, and Am Yisrael - through thick and thin. No matter what.
-Rut teaches us that a person can do teshuva, regardless of what type of background they're coming from!

All of these lessons are wonderful.
I'd like to focus on one that many people might know but not internalize the importance of it: Megillat Rut teaches us the importance of making decisions. How ONE decision can change our lives completely - for the better, or for the worse. For life or for death. For victory or for defeat. For closeness to HaShem or, chas v'shalom, richuk - disconnection/feeling far - from HaShem.

Rut and Orpah were both non-Jewish women who were married to Naomi's two sons, who both died.
Now, Naomi, the Jewess, and Rut and Orpah, two goyish widowers were left alone.
Rut and Orpah could've:
1. Leave Naomi and stay together
2. Part ways completely
3. Both go away with Naomi
4. Individually take two separate directions. One making the wrong decision, and one making the right decision.

They were both coming from the same exact place. Both non-Jewish, princesses of moav, both widowers, both alone with their mother-in-law. However, ONE decision make the difference between victory and defeat.
What decision was that?

Naomi was leaving to Eretz Yisrael. She had to leave the mental state that she was in. Naomi told Rut and Orpah - I'm leaving. I have nothing here. Go home. Go back to your parents.
What did Rut and Orpah do?
Orpah kissed Naomi, and she left.
Rut did the complete opposite. She didn't LEAVE her mother in law. She said your nation is my nation, your G-d is my G-d; I'm sticking with you. I'm NOT leaving you!

There's a Midrash that tells us that Orpah was with A THOUSAND men AND a dog that night. HaShem Yerachem! She fell so low! She went from being so close to leaving with her mother-in-law to Eretz Yisrael, and she fell to the lowest level that a person can be. She became pregnant that night, and we learn that she had a child: goliat. Goliat was a giant who attacked Klal Yisrael, and he made fun of G-d in public.
His nemesis, the only one who would stand up to him - was David Hamelech, who came from the righteous Rut.

So, we learn, from the one decision of whether to go with Naomi or not - two children were conceived:
one, Goliat, an evil plishti giant. A rasha who is remembered and recorded as such even now - thousands of years later.
And a second - David Hamelech. The king of Israel. A tzadik. The father of Mashiach!

From this ONE step away from her mother in law, and therefore, Judaism, Orpah caused destruction. From Rut's ONE step closer to her mother in law, and therefore, Judaism, she caused victory and geula (redemption).
Yetzer Hara tells us it's just a little bit. Just miss minyan this once. Just wear a shorter skirt this once. Just eat this non-kosher food this once. Just speak this one word of lashon hara.
NO! That one time is DESTRUCTION. That one time then psychologically causes validity. That one time can completely make a person fall and make it extremely difficult to be on the derech again.

As Jews, as HaShem's children, we must ALWAYS think about every move we make. Every word that comes out of our mouthes, every piece of food that enters our mouthes, every sound that enters our ears, every image our eyes seen.
NOTHING is just neutral.

The Tanya explains beautifully that everything in this world can be categorized into just TWO categories:
Sitra D'achra and Sitra D'Kedusha.
Sitra d'achra is anything that leads you to feel FARTHER away from HaShem. It can be something small. Even a song.
Sitra d'kedusha is anything that leads us to be closer to holiness, and therefore, closer to HaShem.

There is NOTHING that is just neutral. A Jew's mission in this world is not to be neutral and just chill all day.
Every day our goal should be to grow closer and closer to HaShem.
The Asher Yatzar of today should not be the same Asher Yatzar of 5 years ago. Just like when we're friends with someone for longer, we feel like we know them way better, so too - with HaKadosh Baruch Hu!
It's a relationship that requires wise decision and planning.
Where's our manual, or directory, about what leads to closeness to HaShem and what leads to richuk?
The Torah. Our minds. Our feelings. (In that order.)

Melech, a king, has the letters of Mem, Lamed, and Chaf. Kelev, a dog, has those same letters rearranged. Kaf, Lamed, Mem.
The Mem stands for Moach (mind/brain: logic)
The Lamed stands for Lev (heart: emotions)
The Chaf stands for Klayot (liver: desires)

When one allows his logic to control his emotions and then his logic + emotions to control his desires - then he is a MELECH, a king, over himself.
BUT
if someone allows his desires to control his emotions, and his emotions to control his logic - then he is no better than a DOG, who clearly can't control his desires.

THAT is the importance of Megillat Rut. A decision made in a split second has such power. Ohhhh if we'd only realize our potential. Our power!
The power of words, the power of a smile, the power of keeping the mitzvot, and the power of our averot!
It is written that if a man REALLY knew how terrible an avera was - he would NEVER dare to do it. That's why chazal tell us a "ruach shtut" (a foolish spirit) comes upon a person who wants to do an avera. There's no way that someone who acts like a melech can allow himself to do an avera.
Always ask yourself - is what I'm doing going to help me grow closer or farther from my Father in Heaven?


May HaShem bless all of us to have clarity and make the proper decisions in the proper fashion, and therefore, be kings over our desires, and may we all merit to be close to Him!

Forced Happiness?!

Yay, it's Rosh Chodesh Adar!
As a kid, I remember Adar was so exciting because of the anticipation of Purim. We would sing songs in school, I would think about all of the yummy goodies that we would receive in the mishloach manot, we'd have a Purim carnival in school where the kiddos could win all types of neat prizes, and of course, there was the costume -- which kid didn't want a cool original costume?!

But now...
as people (myself included) get older...
it's a challenge to be happy. It's a challenge to be happy, in general. Now comes Adar and Chazal require us to be HAPPIER than in general!
Ok, first of all, how can I be happy in general?
Second of all, how can I force myself to be happier?
(so, regarding the first question - see the post "true happiness"
If you're not in the mood to read it...then just know that true happiness = closeness to HaShem through KNOWLEDGE about HaShem/Torah/mitzvot.)

Now, how can I force myself to be happiER?
More Torah. More closeness to HaShem.
But what if I just can'ttttttttttttt? What if I work really hard, I'm tired, I'm lazy, and just fed up with the world?

"Yom HaKippurim" means a day "k'purim" - a day LIKE Purim. That means Yom Kippur is COMPARED to Purim. How can Yom Kippur, a biblical holiday, be compared to Purim, a rabbinical holiday?
Because Purim has unfathomable levels of holiness.
In fact, Chazal even tell us that Purim is one of the only holidays that will remain after Mashiach arrives.
Now, why the comparison between Purim and Yom Kippur?
There's a moving story I heard in a shiur by Rabbi Eli Mansour that beautifully answers this question.
There was a Rabbi, during the time of the Holocaust, whose wife and children were murdered by the Nazis. He was in the concentration camp, the Nazis were cruel and inhumane to all of the Jews, the conditions and weather were both terrible -- it was a dark period where very little light could be seen.
And the month of Adar was approaching.

His Talmidim said "Rebbe, it's almost Adar! Chazal teach us 'mi shenichnas adar, marbim b'simcha' - whoever enters Adar increases his joy. But Rebbe, how can we be happy during such terrible times of adversity?"
The Rabbi answered "Chazal tell us that Yom Kippur compares to Purim. On Yom Kippur, no Jew would say "eh, I'm not in the mood to fast. I'm not in the mood to pray. I'll just do my own Yom Kippur in a few weeks from now...when I'm in the mood." No Jew would say that! He knows that regardless of how weak or tired or sad he is, he must FAST and PRAY because NOW is the time for Yom Kippur - not next week! So too, now is the time for Adar! NOW is the time for happiness! Not in a week from now, in a few months from now, or when we get liberated. WE need to FORCE ourselves to be happy. Just like we force ourselves on Yom Kippur to do what we need to do."
And that Adar and Purim was an unforgettable one in the camp. They were happier than ever before.

We have the Koach. HaShem wants us to be close to Him, and He wants us to be happy. It's all up to US!

May all of Klal Yisrael have a chodesh tov u'mevorach, full of unlimited simcha. May we all merit to grow closer to HaShem with each and every day, and receive the geula this month! Happy Adar :)

Life After Marriage

I'm not going to lie.
Engagement time wasn't fun. I couldn't wait for my engagement to be over, and I recently half jokingly told my husband "I never want to be engaged to you again."
Married life, however, is way better than engagement life. Baruch HaShem Yitbarach Shemo L'ad!!!

While nearly every chatan and kallah want a nice wedding, they must keep in mind that it's not the ikkar. The wedding is just one (extremely important) day; marriage, however, is what needs the real planning, work, effort, time, and investment.

What can I say about marriage?
Hmmm...
well there's still a lot to learn, but so far, my favorite dvar Torah about marriage is as follows:

In Masechet Kiddushin, Chazal teach us about the kinyan of the isha. A man can "buy her" (buy - read: acquire) through three ways. From where do we learn this concept of kinyan?
From Avraham and Efron. Avraham purchased maharat hamachpelah from Efron, in order to bury Sara, his beloved wife, in Hevron.

Wait...WHAT?
How does that make sense?
We learn MARRIAGE from Avraham buying a GRAVE?
(that is already begging for a marriage joke!)

So, what's going on here?
The answer is very beautiful and applicable. Avraham and Efron were both happy and satisfied with the deal they made. Avraham was happy because he purchased a valuable plot in Eretz Yisrael where his dear wife, himself, and future relatives would be buried. Efron was happy because he got his money.
So too...
A HUSBAND AND WIFE - BOTH - need to feel like they got the best deal ever. They always need to be happy and satisfied. The husband should think "wow, my wife is the best. She's so beautiful, holy, smart, understanding, etc." and the wife should think that her husband is such a wonderful tzadik.
At first, some might think this seems unrealistic -- afterall, doesn't everyone have flaws?
Yes, everyone has flaws, but common advice that was given before: "while dating, keep both eyes open. While married, keep one eye closed." Just because a spouse has flaws doesn't mean that you should focus on the flaws. The key is focus on the positive attributes. The key is to remember why you married that person in the first place. The key is to feel happy and know that HaShem sent you the best zivug ever.
There is nobody like your zivug in the world, and there never was and never will be.
So too with every Jew. YOU are unique. There was NEVER anyone exactly like you before, and there NEVER will be anyone like you. You're the only one who can carry out your life's mission, and you are the only one who can be yourself.

Pretty neat, eh? :)

Sooo, there's a lot to say about life. A lot to say about marriage. A lot to say about Israeli politics. And fruit in sushi. Perhaps we'll add that to the "To be continued..." list.

Shavua tov to all :)

Trapped Blessings

A close friend of mine shared something beautiful with me. Visualize this:

Anything you want - be it refua, parnassah, zivug, shalom bayit, etc. - is 'trapped' inside a treasure box in Shamayim. The key is already in the lock on the treasure box. All you need to do is turn the lock to open the treasure box and receive the brachot!
Your tefillot are the force to turn the key.
Through sincere, powerful tefillah -- one can expect to have enough power to turn the key.

We Are Wet Clay!! Yay!

A Dvar Torah from ATorahMinute that I read & really liked. Enjoy!

G-d commanded the prophet Yirmiyahu (Yirmiyahu 18:1-4) to go to a potter's house, where he observed the potter working with wet clay. Yirmiyahu reported that when the potter did not like the vessel which he created, for whatever reason, he was able to form another one from that same vessel -- one which pleased him.

The Ben Ish Chai z"l explains that there is a difference between a vessel made of clay, which was burnt in the kiln and one which was not burnt. While the first one, once broken cannot be repaired or fixed, the second one can be reconstructed to perfection even if it were broken into many pieces. A person who sins, is likened to the second one - the wet clay which can be reformed. Even if he performs the worst possible transgressions, once he regrets whole heartedly and repents, he will shine like dawn and blossom like a rose. Our merciful Father in Heaven, unlike a king made of flesh and blood, desires our Teshuva (repentance) and pleads with us to change, in spite of our sins and transgressions.


Teshuva is like a wide ocean, open to anyone at any given time. Chazal teach us that the gates of teshuva are forever open. However, during the time between the first of Elul and Yom Kippur G-d is even closer to us. We should not miss out on this special time and extraordinary gift that G-d has granted us. We must take advantage of it and draw ourselves closer to Him.

Let us set aside a few moments for self examination and introspection. What area would you choose to work on and improve? Perhaps smile more often or call a friend whose feelings you might have hurt. Make an effort to greet Shabbath in a timely fashion or learn to forgive and forget. The list is endless, the opportunity is waiting for us.

We have the power, just like the potter, to recreate a most exquisite piece of pottery. This piece of pottery is our own selves. We should refashion it till we have transformed it into an outstanding Jewish people!



I wish all of readers and Klal Yisrael a healthy, happy, and safe new year (5772). May we all be written in the book of life, and may we all grow closer to HaShem Yitbarach with each and every day of our lives. May we receive redemption on both personal and national levels. For all those who need a refua shlemah - may you be fully healthy this year! For all who need parnassah - may you have the amount of money that you need and are able to use for positive beneficial purposes! For all who need children - may you have healthy, holy, happy children who will always be in on the right derech. For all the singles who want to find their zivugim - may you date, get engaged, and get married to your best possible zivug. May we all be zoche to see Mashiach and Yerushalayim rebuilt in our times speedily in a peaceful way! Shana tova u'metukah! :)

How can I be happy??

IVDU ET HASHEM B'SIMCHAAAAAA. Why is that so important?

Rabbi Jonathan Rietti explains:

In Parashat Bechukotai, 98 curses are mentioned.
there's a commandment of serving HaShem b'simcha (well, rather, it's a consequence if one doesn't serve HaShem b'simcha.) Basically, curses can come upon a person for not being jubilent! That means that if one fulfills a mitzvah, fully with all the little details and knows all of the halachot and sources and everythinggggg...but he doesn't fulfill that mitzvah with JOY - then his mitzvah is LACKING.

Happiness is a choice. The Arizal said that the word "b'simcha" has the same letters as "machshava"-- happiness is NOT what happens to me. Happiness is an attitude; happiness is in my thoughts...I CHOOSE whether be happy. Happiness is not dependent my health; my wealth; my bashert...all of that can help me be happIER, but those attributes don't define my happiness. My happiness is not reliant on what happens to me.

How does a person fill his mind with happy thoughts? By recognizing the GOOD in life. Think of your mind like a house or room -- which painting will you hang up? A dark one? A pretty one? One that is filled w/ images of Torah & mitzvot?

There is definitely good in life; G-d said the world is tov MEOD...not just good, but VERY good. When a person is happy because he is focusing on the good in life, he is not denial of what is horrible in life. Rather, by focusing on the good and loving life, he is living in reality and able to deal with tragedies. Focusing just on the negative is NOT living in reality.

I recently heard a wonderful shiur about how true joy is being connected to HaKadosh Baruch Hu. So, when Chazal tell us t

We recently experienced the period of ben hametzarim (the 3 weeks of mourning). Chazal teach us that the Divine Presence doesn't dwell on one who is depressed or unhappy. Even during those times of mourning, one must be joyful! He always must be happy, but especially when learning Torah, fulfilling mitzvot, etc.

This is especially something to keep in mind and practice during Elul. Yes, we should be reflecting on our deeds and doing teshuva, but ideally -- it should be done out of love and simcha. Chazal tell us that the happiest days are Yom Kippur and Tu b'Av.
That's part of the reason why sefardim have such upbeat, happy tunes to their selichot - because we're happy to be doing teshuva and be forgiven!

If we do our mission in the world with sincere simcha, our mitzvot will be fulfilled COMPLETELY, and b"H we will be zoche to Mashiach Tzidkenu and the Beit HaMikdash B'mehera B'yameinu.

True Happiness!

WHOAAAA. 3 weeks! Do these 3 weeks stress you out? Do you loath them? What’s this period all about, really? Are we supposed to be miserable now? When do we get to be happy again? What’re we supposed to do?

I heard the following amazing shiur by a true Talmid Chacham:

The Gemara in masechet (page 29): Mishna says “mi sheh nichnas adar, marbim b’simcha. Mi sheh nichnas Av, mematim b’simcha.” Whoever enters Adar should increase his happiness. Whoever enters Av should decrease his happiness.

The months of Tammuz and Av are grouped together because they’re both mourning periods.

These are moments where it is understandable for one to decrease level of joy. On the 17th of Tammuz, 5 main tragic events took place; one of them being the breaking of the two luchot. One the 9th of Av, the destruction of the 1st and 2nd Temples took place. So, during the following 3 weeks, one has to decrease his happiness.

The Sages, on one hand, say we have to increase, and then decrease. But the sages never said one should not be b’simcha. But by no means should a Jew ever be UNHAPPY.
During these 3 weeks, one should weep over the destruction of the Temple, take on more restrictions, and get into mode of mourning. Yet, one still must be joyful on Tisha b’Av!

But how can this be? Don’t we have sad times in life? Tragedies, deaths, mourning days?
How is possible to be joyful when he’s weeping? Isn’t that a contradiction?
What’s the definition of simcha/joy?

Tractate of Shabbat (page 30; lamed amud bet) – Gemara says “the Divine Presence (Shechina) will not delve into one who is sad.”
So, sadness is not a state of mind that a Jew should be into. One who is sad pushes away the Shechina.
The Baal HaTanya writes that sadness is the father of all impurity. Because by pushing away the Shechina leads to a status of impurity. Impurity means disconnection from G-d.

On 9 B’Av – we’re asking HaShem to please come back to us. But if we’re all sad while asking, then how can Shechina be with us? The Shechina can’t be with us when we’re sad!
So even on 9 B’Av, one can NOT be sad! Sadness is not compatible with the state of mind of a Jew because sadness pushes away Shechina.
So, where will Divine Presence find itself? The Gemara says only among those who accomplish the mitzvot JOYFULLY.

It’s not optional to be joyful while doing mitzvot. Arizal says simcha is part of the accomplishment of the mitzvah. If you’re missing the joy, you’re not fully accomplishing mitzvah. If you’re lacking simcha, it’s like you’re lacking part of the mitzvah!!
In the Torah, there’s a parasha where we have 91 curses. The Gemara asks what prompts the 91 curses? Ad it answers because of the moments when Jews do mitzvoth without joy.

Okay, so we get it now…we must serve HaShem with joy!!! Ivdu et HaShem b’simcha!!! Wait…but what is joy? Is it laughing? Surely we shouldn’t be laughing on 9 b’Av! So, what is the definition of joy?

The Ramchal, in Mesillat HaShem, explains that there are 3 levels of fear of HaShem:
1. Lowest level: fear of punishment . This person is not scared of G-d. This person doesn’t want to get punished and feel pain. The main factor here is myself. I’m fearing the pain of the action I’ve done. That in itself is definitely a level of fearing G-d, but it’s a low level of fear.
2. 2nd level: I feel G-d’s presence every second of my life. It pains G-d when I sin. My actions depend on closeness. I love HaShem so much that I don’t want to disrespect Him. Love here depends on how much you know of G-d.
3. 3rd level: Fear of G-d’s presence (to be in awe of Him).

Rambam explains that knowledge leads one to love G-d. Only when one has knowledge of G-d, can he love Him more.
It’s possible for a person to have Torah and mitzvoth in his life, yet he can still be lack the knowledge of G-d. And therefore, he’s still under the power of Amalek.
What?? Amalek?? What do they have to do with anything??

Doubt (safek) is amalak – safek and amalek have the same gematria: 240. The essence of Amalek is to doubt…what’s going to happen today? Tomorrow? Next year? Doubt is often the root of all the anguishes and the stresses. Amalek made everyone scared, and this fear is due to the lack of knowledge of G-d. Lack of emunah and bitachon. Amalek loves the theory of coincidence. Amalek wants to show that G-d may have created the world, but He’s no longer in control of the world.
Amalek fought against the Jews when we were on our way to Israel. Amalek affects us when we were on our way – on our journey. Amalek affects us when we’re on our way somewhere. There’s danger during a journey- we think: anything can happen, and that’s why we say Tefillat Haderech. We need to overcome that feeling of Amalek – that we’re scared. Amalek says there’s no way out, there’s no hope. But We have to be calm and think and know that HaShem is with us. Have hope, courage, faith.
Amalek:
-doesn’t care that you’re fulfilling 613 mitzvot – he says do them, but do them with habit. Don’t think about them! Don’t prepare yourself, don’t look forward to the mitzvoth, etc. end Shabbat the second it’s over. Don’t extend by even 10 minutes, let alone Rabbeinu Tam! No excitement or enjoyment in your avodat HaShem. Routine.
Even a talmid chacham can c”vs be a product of Amalek.
-loves coincidence: laws of nature control the world. You caught a cold, the medicine is helping you, you found your zivug? It’s because you made a lot of money, had good manners, lost weight, etc. In this case, a person is tracing back to cause of causes and not the cause of all causes (G-d).
The antidote to all of this is to know there is a Divine plan which is here from the beginning to the end. HaShem never steps away from the picture. He’s always the influence in creation.

The Sages say “joy is the solution to all doubts.”
Joy is the antidote to Amalek.
How do you get to joy? Knowledge.

Rabbi Akiva was always laughing, always b’simcha, etc. He laughed when he saw fox on Temple Mount, he laughed before dying a painful and torturous death by the Romans, etc. Rabbi Akiva knew what was going on behind the scenes because that privy knowledge gives joy to a person. Clarity gives joy to a person.

Joyfulness is a complete understanding of the way of G-d. to know that nothing is a mistake or coincidence; G-d is the Mastermind of the world.
What is happening now the event to bring another event; each moment brings us closer to mashiach. Every step is a step closer. One should never lose hope because despite the events, you have to see Who is behind the events. G-d is behind the events; He wants this to happen as the ideal.

Do we affiliate with this truth or do we disconnect from it? The more we connect, the more we can laugh like Rabbi Akiva. The more we’re distant, depressed, and disconnected, then the more we feel purposeless.

Rabbi Akiva’s life was also upside down; David HaMelech was also upside down; they suffered and didn’t have easy lives, but you see David HaMelech says “ach tov va chessed yirdufuni kol yemei chayai” – from the first day I came to this world, chessed and good were always chasing me!
These hardships are my consolations! They’re a chessed from HaShem! That attitude and response the proof of a true believer.
To believe in G-d when everything is great, you don’t have to be david hamelech. You can be a typical goy. That’s not a high level of emunah.

Every breath we take, we should be praising HaShem. When a person lives his life this way, he’s always b’simcha. But people who always expect more, they’re the ones who break down and get depressed.
HaShem is the Master of all good – He knows if it’s good for us to receive it or not. We don’t always have the understanding, but we can believe it.

So, basically: joy is clarity. Clarity is the biggest bracha in life.

May we all fulfill HaShem’s beautiful commandments with JOY, and B”H in that zchut, merit to see Mashiach and the Beit HaMikdash b’mehera b’yameinu!

Love Letter

Parshat Chukat...what comes to mind? PARAH ADUMAH!!!
So, there were less than 10 red heifers (heifer? who came up with that word?) in the history of the world. Sounds rare, right?
Well, guess what? There's something holy that's even MORE rare -- in fact, there was only ONE of these in history...know what it is?
YOU! Yes, you. The person reading this blog entry right now.

Chazal teach us that there are no two that are exactly alike.

There was never anybody like you in the unverise, and there will be anybody exactly like you. HaShem gave you an individual neshama with different strengths, weaknesses, talents, and powers. HaShem wants us all to use our power and talents to contribute and give to Klal Yisrael and to fully live up to our unique potential!
How can we be sure to live it up? Pray to HaShem for clarity and strength to fully fulfill and maximize your potential and mission in this world.

Shabbat Shalom u'Mevurach!

Modern Day Korach

I saw a great quote (on a magnet!) about Shabbat. It read: Shabbos (Shabbat) is a day ON; not a day OFF.

So, Parashat Korach.
I think many people read this Parasha and wonder "what was Korach thinking? Didn't he clearly see that Moshe was the chosen prophet? That G-d's Word was so clear? How could he have had the chutzpah to rebel and so clearly trangress?"
It seems perplexing at first, but if one really delves into the psychology, it's very understandable. When a person thinks he's right, he'll find a way to
rationalize his actions. Not only rationalize them, but he'll even claim (and find proof!) for why it's a MITZVAH to act in the manner that he's acting.

Korach was so certain that he was right and holy. In fact, he made sure that all 250 men were "holy" according to his standards. He rejected On ben Pelet because his wife uncovered her hair! Chas v'shalom that he would have a man in his "holy group" whose wife was NOT MODEST!

He was blinded by his own ego and perceptions. And that is exactly what led to his scary punishment -- being swallowed by the earth!

From this incident, we learn how terrible Machloket (strife) can be. It can lead to a person's complete demise. Strife destroys a person; it blurs his vision. It dehumanizes him.
Peace, on the other hand, is integral. We continuously pray for peace (in Birkat Kohanim, in the Amida, in Birkat Hamazon, etc.) A person MUST have peace in order to thrive and be happy.

How much effort does one need to make to pursue peace?
Should one ever give up and say "I can't make Shalom with this person! I'm never going to have peace with him!"??
What if the person is "beneath" him? Be it religiously, socially, financially, etc.? What if the other person is his own STUDENT? What if the other person is clearly the one who WRONGED him?

Let's see what Moshe Rabbeinu did in this week's Parasha...
Korach rebels against Moshe. He blatantly goes against Moshe and HaShem's commandments. Korach was so sure that he was right and that Moshe was wrong.
And guess what?
Moshe Rabbeinu, the holiest Navi, the Gadol of that time, the chief Rabbi, the only person to speak with G-d "panim el panim" went to pursue peace with Datan v'Aviram (who were part of Korach's group.)
If Moshe was willing to seek peace with his fellow Jews, how much more so should we be willing to seek peace with anyone and everyone.
If someone wronged you, you should ALWAYS be the one to rekindle the friendship. You should ALWAYS be the one to forgive.
Never let pride get in the way.

Aharon HaCohen was "ohev shalom v'rodef shalom" -- he loved peace AND pursued it.
Chazal teach us an amazing story about Aharon HaCohen. He heard about a husband and wife who were fighting. The husband told his wife "I will never forgive you unless you spit in the eye of the Cohen HaGadol!" (he probably didn't intend the for the literal meaning. That phrase was probably used as an expression of "I'm never going to forgive you" -- kind of like how we say "the day when pigs fly...) Aharon heard about this and went up the wife and told her "I have a rare eye condition, and I need somebody to spit in my eye to cure it. Can you please do so?"
Wow.
WOW.
If Aharon, the COHEN HAGADOL, one of the holiest men, a prophet, Moshe Rabbenu's brother, was willing to "give up" his honor just to restore peace and respect between two fellow Jews, how much more so should we be willing to humble ourselves? To sacrafice our honor? Our egos? Our prejudices? Our pride?
It's a lot easier said than done. But B"H we learn from our great role models that it is possible and attainable.

May we always emulate the ways of Moshe and Aharon and never the ways of Korach v'adato!
Shabbat Shalom u'Mevorach :)

Scrumptious Cheesecake

I really, really like cheesecake.

Unfortunately, as of lately, there's been a tragedy: certain bakeries have been making it waaaay too sweet. You barely even taste the cheese! There's an excessive amount of cream, sugar, crumbs, and fruits. What's up with that?!

Oreo double fudge cheesecake.
Pumpkin pecan cheesecake.
Chocolate marble fudge crumb cheesecake.
Coffee mocha cheesecake.
Lemon cream cheesecake.

MA ZEH?!!

Truly a cheesecake corruption.

I can make way better cheesecake on my own but ummm...you see, thing is...

I don't bake much. The reason is kind of pathetic. I'm waiting to get married, so that my husband can appreciate my cookies and cakes. If I bake them, I'm usually the only one who ends up eating them. EATING A BATCH OF 40 COOKIES = PROBLEM.
Kal Vachomer, a 5,000 calorie cheesecake.
So, no homemade cheesecake this year.
Too bad. My zivug is really missing out on some potentially-yummy-moderately sweetened-life-changing cake. TELL HIM TO HURRY UP!!
(yes, I know I'm a bit nutty. But who likes normal people, anyway?)

TEFILLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. We love tefillah! Know what the proof is? Know that feeling of the yetzer hara trying to convince you to keep sleeping and not wake up to pray, but then you DON'T LISTEN TO HIM. You wake up on time and pray and then you feel sooo charged! So accomplished and spiritual. You feel like you can do anything and everything. Bring on the day! Right?? Right!

Baruch HaShem, I have really amazing tzadikot as friends. My amazing friends have taught me some super duper Tefillah concepts:

1. Sing your tefillot to HaShem (like to the tune of your favorite song)
2. Pray for healthy self-esteem and self-image
3. Pray to know how to pray well
4. Pray to be close to HaShem
5. Pray for your fellow Jews that you "don't like" to be healthy, have a good parnassah, find a shidduch, etc. -- it will encourage ahavat yisrael in your heart
6. Every morning, recite the tefilla composed by the Chafetz Chaim to help you keep shmirat halashon. (Found in the "lesson a day - shmirat halashon" books and many siddurim.)
7. Before you say shema & go to sleep at night, thank HaShem for 2 acts of chessed that He performed for you. (Ex: "HaShem, thank You so much for helping me make my train on time this morning!"

Quick & nice dvar Torah regarding the holy chag of Shavuot:
Many of us may be familiar with the following teaching from Chazal: Bnei Yisrael stood under the mountain, and G-d gave them a choice: either accept the mitzvot or the mountain will be over your heads.
So basically – mitzvot or immediate death. What kind of choice is that??? Wouldn’t most people choose mitzvoth, simply because they don’t want to die? How is that bechira?
A Holy Rav who wrote a mussar book explains that Torah isn’t just a lifestyle. Torah is life! A Jew can’t really live without Torah. Sure, he’s breathing, but where’s the sustenance? The only way a neshama can truly be alive and happy is if it is connected to HaShem. How can one connect to HaShem? Through keeping the Torah and mitzvot!
During matan Torah, it was so clear to Bnei Yisrael that Torah was the right way to go. Chazal isn’t telling us that they didn’t have bechira, rather – it was that the choice was SIMPLE. Life with meaning? Or death?
That form of bechira can be compared to a person choosing to come up for air while swimming. Of course you’re going to come up for air! Is there bechira in that scenario? Sure. But it’s just so clear and obvious to a person, and so, he doesn’t even think twice to do so.

AHHHH...how awesome clarity is. How difficult it is when a person can't make decisions. A Jew must never give up!! Keep praying to HaShem to find your answers and meaning. To find your connection to Him. And b"H you will receive all of the answers -- simply because you sought them. Clarity is the biggest bracha.

May we all be zochim to receive such clarity in Torah/life this Shavuot!

Chag sameach! :)