Sunday, April 10, 2011

Little Boys Love Me

I love kids. I do. Really.

Some gals are very mushy gushy when it comes to babies and kids and MUST speak in baby talk language to them.
I don't baby talk.

Okay. Fine. Maybe sometimes. But for the most part, I don't.

One thing I've learned from babysitting/being around kiddos at my friends' homes or by a family for Shabbat is that little boys (mainly between the ages of 3 to 9) have strong feelings towards me. I have no clue why...

It all started in Shul when I was 15. A mischevious little 8 year old boy became obsessed with me. He started off saying insulting remarks to all the girls, throwing things at them, etc. and then one day, he started holding my hand and telling me how wonderful I am.
A look of panic crossed my face. I turned to my friend in desperate need of help -- GET HIM AWAY!!!
But no.
He had plans.
He wanted to marry me.
His most prized posession was the candy that he collected at Shul. Perhaps he would sell the candy to buy me a $5 ring. Real plastic and all.

I tried to run away and avoid him. But it worked to no avail.
I think his infatuation with me finally ended when he grew up & I switched Shuls.

Another boy was a cute little 5 year old of a family I went to for Shabbat. He kept following me around the house and asking if he can stay in the same room as me. No, you may not.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and said "I want to marry you."

The most recent one was an 8 year old who was obsessed with saying that everything is "not tznius!"
Apparently, everything was immodest. Except me.
He handed me a paper flower he made.
He asked me if he can sit by me.
Then, as I was reaching for something on the table, he took my hand and kissed it.

My friend was laughing and getting a good kick out of it, but I have yet to learn how to respond to all of these prepubescent affections.

Maybe these boys should give some tips to the "real men" who have commitment-phobia. :D


  1. This post made me smile. It brought back memories of me doing the same thing as a little kid. Its always funny to now years later meet my former 'girlfriends', and have them remind me how 'cute i used to be'. Whats very funny is that one of them actually became my aunt :)

  2. Cute.
    Probably wouldn't sound so cute if you were a guy and the genders were reversed.

  3. @ZZB - Don't knock it 'till you've seen it. Ask me how I know.

    @Sefardi Gal - Maybe you should consider younger men :P

  4. The Prof - ah, so you were one of these sneaky little kiddos! It definitely will be interesting seeing what they're like in 15-20 years from now...

    ZZB - lol. Oy. I don't even want to know.

    Ish Yehudi - we'll see how desperate I get...

  5. I actually have it in the reverse - old men like me. They don't exactly profess marriage, but I do have quite a following.

  6. Women should seek out younger men because of life expectancy of the genders. A women is more likely to grow old with a younger man than an older man.

  7. Princess Lea - hmmm yeah...that's way creepier. How do you react to that?

    Alar - HA. I'm not going for the 8 year old just because he'll grow old with me (or rather, outlive me.)

  8. SG,

    I'm not suggesting you marry an 8 year old. Statistically women in America live about 5 years longer than men in America. So, I encourage my sisters to look for men who are 5 years younger than themselves.

  9. This is such a sweet post! Love it!!

    I'm hoping that soon you will find your real guy and everything will match!

  10. Alar - before such encouragement, I think you should verify how old a sista is.
    (Say, if a gal is 19, it's probably not so smart for her to date a 15 year old.)

    Devorah - amen! Thank you :)
    The kiddos definitely are sweet, but I still find it awkward when they profess their devotions and affections for me!

  11. Marriage ages of some famous couples:

    Adam 20 Chava 12 difference 8
    Abraham 18 Sara 8 difference 10
    Yitzchak 40 Rivkah 3 difference 37
    Boaz 80 Ruth naarah (17?) difference 63

  12. @Mr. Cohen- Where is the source of how old Chava was when she was created? I mean the only way I get those numbers are if you say Hashem created everything fully developed then Adam was 20 because that is halachically considered a fully developed man, but for women there is clearly a halachic difference between a 12 and 12.5 year old right? Why would she be created at 12?
    Also none of these have a woman marrying an older woman...

    @Sefardi Gal- Well I mean this happened to me way back. A cousin of one of my closed friends turned to me in the middle of lunch, in front of everyone and said "I'm going to marry you" which followed by about 5 minutes of her chasing me around the house... Fast forward to now, she is still too embarrassed to talk to me, it's been like 10 years. So yea, it happens the other way.

  13. @ Azriel Tzvi.

    I dont know if it says she was 12, but Adom had a wife before chava, lilis (lilith). So it can make sense that she was 12.

  14. SG,

    LOL yeah, I suppose if they just want to date, any (legal) age is okay. But my sisters are looking to get married, so, they are, at least, 23 years old ;)

  15. Mr. Cohen - I never knew that about Adam & Chava and Sara & Abraham.
    Why did the avot get married to such young girls, who presumably couldn't even conceive & have children yet?

    Prof - there're things about the first wife that really scare me!

    Alarbean - fair enough. 23 isn't too shabby :)

  16. Lilis is supposed to be scary. After her and adam didnt work out, she became the mother of all shin daleds. On the shir hamaalos cards people put up for a new born, one of the things written on it is a teffila to protect the child from lilis.

    They did occasionally conceive. A pretty interesting triva fact, at the end of mesectes sofrim (one of the mesechtos kitanos in the back of mesechtes avoda zara), it says that Dina, the daughter of Yaacov was six years old when she conceived Osnas (later yosefs wife) from shichem

  17. Azriel Tzvi said:
    Where is the source of how old Chava was when she was created?

    Dear Azriel Tzvi,

    I believe that the Yalkut Meam Loez gives the marriage ages of Adam and Chavah at 20 and 12. However, most midrashim say they were both 20 years old.

    King Solomon ascended to the throne of Israel at age 12. At that time, his father David was 70 and his mother BatSheva was 24, so figure out how old David and BatSheva were when they were married. BatSheva gave birth to a child who soon died before she gave birth to Solomon. So that makes the marriage ages of David and BatSheva 57 and 11 or 10.

    Mr. Cohen

  18. Lilith is the scariest 'person' ever. The Zohar says she is the wife of the Satan. It says something along the lines of "The satan carries around a sword. When a person is on his death bed the satan comes and sticks the sword down the person's throat. The sword gives off little droplets that kill the person." The sword is Lilith. She is basically the femimine satan, the ta'iava that causes one to sin, not exactly someone/thing that you want to hang around with.

    @Mr. Cohen- Wasn't Bat Sheva married before she married Dovid? So when did she get married the first time 6?!