Sunday, May 29, 2011

Heart Warming...or Breaking?

The baby was crying and screaming. Help.

The toddler wanted to play, but it was time for bed.

I had a headache.

Ugh, I thought. Maybe I'm not so ready for kids now.

I warmed up the baby's bottle and placed him in the crib. I just wanted him to leave me alone and go to sleep.
But then...something happened.
He was laying down and drinking his bottle. He looked so serene. So...mushy.
My headache vanished. I dimmed the lights and turned on his crib-lullaby.

Don't leave me.
I wanted him to stay awake now, so that I could hold him in my arms.

I gently closed the door and swiftly moved across the hallway to the toddler's room.
"Me no want sleep!"
"okay, how about a book?"
I read him his favorite story. Again. And again.
Then a second book about Shabbat.
Then a third about zoo animals. Cow goes MOOOOO. Something goes BOOOOO.

He still wasn't sleepy after story-time. I remembered his father telling me "he likes when people sing to him."
So I sang.
Anything I could think of.
V'zakeini, Hamalach HaGoel, Esa Enai...
"some mo', some mo'" he echoed.

He didn't care that I was forgetting certain lyrics or sounding off key.

He clutched onto his stuffed animal and fell asleep. He looked so near perfection.

I felt tears forming in my eyes as I watched him sleep.
What's happening to me? I wondered.
Why am I crying?

At that moment, a certain degree of pure bliss hit me.

And then I felt more ready than ever before.


  1. What a beautiful story, thanks for sharing!

  2. I've been looking after my nieces and nephews for a decade. I know the ups; and know the downs. I know what they need and want. I've definitely been a licensed caregiver since 2002.

    It ain't easy, but definitely rewarding.

  3. Sefardigal,

    Heat-warming. :-)

  4. Wow, that was so beautifully written. It's so true, there's nothing as blissfully peaceful as watching a sleeping baby or toddler - they look so pure (which they are) and innocent (which the toddler isn't LOL)!

    I always say, Hashem gave us little children so we can work on our patience! It takes a lot to take care for little kids but it is so rewarding! To see the smile on their faces, to watch them learn to talk and sing and say the most delicious's yum!

  5. Ish Yehudi - glad you likie!

    Princess Lea - I'm the youngest and don't have any nieces or nephews (yet), so my exposure to children has been via friends or families I've stayed by or babysitted for. It definitely is rewarding. My heart melts for kiddos...
    thing is, I'm a little bit naive because I don't know many of the cons. Other than the screaming and yelling :D

    Tikva4eva - :)

    Devorah - thank you! I love the purity and sincerity that they posess. As I've explained in a previous post, I'm usually the one who is subject t their "delicious" sayings. Except sometimes, the sayings aren't so delicious ;)