The baby was crying and screaming. Help.
The toddler wanted to play, but it was time for bed.
I had a headache.
Ugh, I thought. Maybe I'm not so ready for kids now.
I warmed up the baby's bottle and placed him in the crib. I just wanted him to leave me alone and go to sleep.
But then...something happened.
He was laying down and drinking his bottle. He looked so serene. So...mushy.
My headache vanished. I dimmed the lights and turned on his crib-lullaby.
Don't leave me.
I wanted him to stay awake now, so that I could hold him in my arms.
I gently closed the door and swiftly moved across the hallway to the toddler's room.
"Me no want sleep!"
"okay, how about a book?"
I read him his favorite story. Again. And again.
Then a second book about Shabbat.
Then a third about zoo animals. Cow goes MOOOOO. Something goes BOOOOO.
He still wasn't sleepy after story-time. I remembered his father telling me "he likes when people sing to him."
So I sang.
Anything I could think of.
V'zakeini, Hamalach HaGoel, Esa Enai...
"some mo', some mo'" he echoed.
He didn't care that I was forgetting certain lyrics or sounding off key.
He clutched onto his stuffed animal and fell asleep. He looked so near perfection.
I felt tears forming in my eyes as I watched him sleep.
What's happening to me? I wondered.
Why am I crying?
At that moment, a certain degree of pure bliss hit me.
And then I felt more ready than ever before.