Goyish music - what's so terrible??

I really enjoy music. I like to sing. I like to listen to acoustic, classical, rock, pop music, etc.
Music really helped me get through so many challenging, and often miserable, stages in my life...like when I was a new baalat teshuva, sitting in my room all alone with nobody who understands me and many who were judging me.
Or when I was dating. Or experiencing a heartbreak...a letdown...family issues...
music was always my comfort. It would help me calm down and help my soul elevate and heal.

I would listen to secular music but make sure that the lyrics were "kosher." And to be honest, that music helped me so many times to get through whatever it was that I was dealing with.
But after getting married, I stopped connecting with that music. I suddenly felt like it was coming from a wrong place. The romantic love songs were often so dirty or just...not about true love and felt foreign to me. I no longer sympathized with the break up songs. The rock songs suddenly became depressing and meaningless.

Now, every time I turn to music it's an Avraham Fried, Meydad Tasa, Itzik Eshel, Shwekey, etc. song and that is also the music that my children listen to. Hearing a song like "Ma Ashiv" by Mordechai ben David or "Ki Hirbeisa" by Avraham Fried or "K'ayal Taarog" by Shwekey can change around my whole day.
I have no idea how to explain it, but my mood and outlook towards music is so much more positive now. Every song I hear has positive vibes. Has productive lyrics. Has soul touching ability and elevates my emotions instead of bringing them down. Every song has a purpose, depth, and elements of holiness to it.
This is the kind of music I want resonating in my mind. In my home. In my relationships.

I recently heard a moving story:

Rabbi Wallerstein told the girls in his kiruv high school - let's do an experiment. People may think that secular dvds, music, movies, etc. doesn't negatively affect them because "I'm different."

So, he put on a popular rap song and asked everyone to close their eyes.
Then told them to write what they envision while listening to the music.
After 4 minutes of listening to this song, the papers read: hate, darkness, depression, anger, rage

Then he put on "Mama Rochel" and asked everyone to close their eyes again and listen to the music.
Then told them to write what they envision while listening to this song.
Their papers read: warmth, potential, love, HaShem, protection....

Rabbi Wallerstein's point of conducting this exercise was to show them that the music goes somewhere. It doesn't just go in one ear and out the other. It touches your soul, your mind, your thoughts, and impacts your mood.

Granted, not every secular song is a rap song or vulgar, but this story really made an impression on me.
It made me wonder - what kind of music do I want touching my soul?

So yeah. It's been 3 years since I've been exclusively listening to Jewish music, and I feel such a difference.
Thank G-d, being that I have a fulltime job as a wife & mother (and some other job for money ;)), I don't have as much time alone time as I previously did and can't listen to shiurim daily, go to Shul on Shabbatot, read as many books, etc. as I used to. I would assume that my relationship with HaShem and emuna would suffer because of that. And yet...I feel so much closer to HaShem and spiritually aware than before.
I really think it is somewhat due to surrounding myself in a home and environment that yearns for kedusha and eliminating the music I would listen to.

I'm not really sure what the purpose of this post was. Just thoughts/reminiscing/ideas and some introspection.
I hope to be able to listen to a aseret yemei teshuva related shiur this week & record it on this blog.

Wishing everyone a Shana Tova & Gmar Chatima Tova!

Take A Second Look

I passionately typed up a whole post about what a "bad" week I was having. You know, a week where everything seems to be going wrong?
But then I remembered: absolutely not! I'm the one who's wrong...not the week! A bad week isn't really a bad week. On the contrary...
a bad week is a good week!

It all depends on one's definition of bad. If bad means that it wasn't easy -- well, then that's not bad! Because the whole point of existence is to be challenged. (See above link.) Each one of us has a mission, and every single one of our missions involves closeness to HaShem. We need a relationship with HaShem.

I hope that G-d blessed each one of you with at least one good friend. I think of each one of my close friendships. What makes them my close friends? That we've had happy times together? Sure. But it's typical to have a "nice" time with someone. That's not rare. That's not what makes you CLOSE to somebody. It's adversity that makes you close to one another. Each one of my close friends have opened up to me, spilled their guts out, cried their eyes out, and complained. And vice versa with me. They were (and are) there for me when I'd call at 2 AM.
Friendships should teach us about our relationship with HaShem. How do we achieve closeness? Only through "nice" times?
HaShem needs to send us yisurim -- not merely for a kapara/atonement for our sins, but also to prompt us to grow close to Him! To prompt us to tell Him what's on our minds, why our hearts are heavy, what our goals, hopes, and dreams are.
Our problems and the method through which we overcome them really shape us to be who we are.

This past Motzei Shabbat (last night), I noticed a lady on the steet staring at me. Hmm, why was she staring at me? I had a nice winter outfit on (cute hat and all), but that couldn't be the sole reason. I recognized that look. It wasn't an admiration stare. It was a you-are-a-weirdo stare. And then I realized...
I was having a conversation with HaShem. I didn't even realize that I was doing it out loud --- aka not in my head! :)

Earlier today, I was driving and wanted to listen to my favorite CD. I lent it to a friend, so I decided to pop a different one in. It was the perfect song for sending me clarity: Itzik Eshel's "Hoshea Na."
The line that changed my entire mood: (roughly translated from Hebrew): "even when it's difficult for me, and I'm very hurt...I'll still call to You, loving Father. Please send me salvation; send me success."
It's far more powerful in Hebrew, but you get my drift. By sending us all of these hardships, HaShem is sending us a precious gift...opportunities to grow closer to Him! HaShem isn't giving up on any of us, and we certainly shouldn't give up on Him! If there's any advice I could ever give the world, it's that emunah and tefillah are the keys to all of the real successes in life.
Have a wonderful week :)