A "he's-just-that-into-you" moment.
Here’s my theory: when a guy asks a gal “so, what kind of guy are you looking for?” he’s either completely interested in her, has a friend in mind for her, or is looking for her to describe a personality that is polar opposite to his so that he can tell the shadchan that he’s not what SHE is looking for. However, usually, if he asks that question– then the case is that he’s interested in the girl and so desperately wants to know if he matches her ideal type.
Am I right?
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
True Happiness!
WHOAAAA. 3 weeks! Do these 3 weeks stress you out? Do you loath them? What’s this period all about, really? Are we supposed to be miserable now? When do we get to be happy again? What’re we supposed to do?
I heard the following amazing shiur by a true Talmid Chacham:
The Gemara in masechet (page 29): Mishna says “mi sheh nichnas adar, marbim b’simcha. Mi sheh nichnas Av, mematim b’simcha.” Whoever enters Adar should increase his happiness. Whoever enters Av should decrease his happiness.
The months of Tammuz and Av are grouped together because they’re both mourning periods.
These are moments where it is understandable for one to decrease level of joy. On the 17th of Tammuz, 5 main tragic events took place; one of them being the breaking of the two luchot. One the 9th of Av, the destruction of the 1st and 2nd Temples took place. So, during the following 3 weeks, one has to decrease his happiness.
The Sages, on one hand, say we have to increase, and then decrease. But the sages never said one should not be b’simcha. But by no means should a Jew ever be UNHAPPY.
During these 3 weeks, one should weep over the destruction of the Temple, take on more restrictions, and get into mode of mourning. Yet, one still must be joyful on Tisha b’Av!
But how can this be? Don’t we have sad times in life? Tragedies, deaths, mourning days?
How is possible to be joyful when he’s weeping? Isn’t that a contradiction?
What’s the definition of simcha/joy?
Tractate of Shabbat (page 30; lamed amud bet) – Gemara says “the Divine Presence (Shechina) will not delve into one who is sad.”
So, sadness is not a state of mind that a Jew should be into. One who is sad pushes away the Shechina.
The Baal HaTanya writes that sadness is the father of all impurity. Because by pushing away the Shechina leads to a status of impurity. Impurity means disconnection from G-d.
On 9 B’Av – we’re asking HaShem to please come back to us. But if we’re all sad while asking, then how can Shechina be with us? The Shechina can’t be with us when we’re sad!
So even on 9 B’Av, one can NOT be sad! Sadness is not compatible with the state of mind of a Jew because sadness pushes away Shechina.
So, where will Divine Presence find itself? The Gemara says only among those who accomplish the mitzvot JOYFULLY.
It’s not optional to be joyful while doing mitzvot. Arizal says simcha is part of the accomplishment of the mitzvah. If you’re missing the joy, you’re not fully accomplishing mitzvah. If you’re lacking simcha, it’s like you’re lacking part of the mitzvah!!
In the Torah, there’s a parasha where we have 91 curses. The Gemara asks what prompts the 91 curses? Ad it answers because of the moments when Jews do mitzvoth without joy.
Okay, so we get it now…we must serve HaShem with joy!!! Ivdu et HaShem b’simcha!!! Wait…but what is joy? Is it laughing? Surely we shouldn’t be laughing on 9 b’Av! So, what is the definition of joy?
The Ramchal, in Mesillat HaShem, explains that there are 3 levels of fear of HaShem:
1. Lowest level: fear of punishment . This person is not scared of G-d. This person doesn’t want to get punished and feel pain. The main factor here is myself. I’m fearing the pain of the action I’ve done. That in itself is definitely a level of fearing G-d, but it’s a low level of fear.
2. 2nd level: I feel G-d’s presence every second of my life. It pains G-d when I sin. My actions depend on closeness. I love HaShem so much that I don’t want to disrespect Him. Love here depends on how much you know of G-d.
3. 3rd level: Fear of G-d’s presence (to be in awe of Him).
Rambam explains that knowledge leads one to love G-d. Only when one has knowledge of G-d, can he love Him more.
It’s possible for a person to have Torah and mitzvoth in his life, yet he can still be lack the knowledge of G-d. And therefore, he’s still under the power of Amalek.
What?? Amalek?? What do they have to do with anything??
Doubt (safek) is amalak – safek and amalek have the same gematria: 240. The essence of Amalek is to doubt…what’s going to happen today? Tomorrow? Next year? Doubt is often the root of all the anguishes and the stresses. Amalek made everyone scared, and this fear is due to the lack of knowledge of G-d. Lack of emunah and bitachon. Amalek loves the theory of coincidence. Amalek wants to show that G-d may have created the world, but He’s no longer in control of the world.
Amalek fought against the Jews when we were on our way to Israel. Amalek affects us when we were on our way – on our journey. Amalek affects us when we’re on our way somewhere. There’s danger during a journey- we think: anything can happen, and that’s why we say Tefillat Haderech. We need to overcome that feeling of Amalek – that we’re scared. Amalek says there’s no way out, there’s no hope. But We have to be calm and think and know that HaShem is with us. Have hope, courage, faith.
Amalek:
-doesn’t care that you’re fulfilling 613 mitzvot – he says do them, but do them with habit. Don’t think about them! Don’t prepare yourself, don’t look forward to the mitzvoth, etc. end Shabbat the second it’s over. Don’t extend by even 10 minutes, let alone Rabbeinu Tam! No excitement or enjoyment in your avodat HaShem. Routine.
Even a talmid chacham can c”vs be a product of Amalek.
-loves coincidence: laws of nature control the world. You caught a cold, the medicine is helping you, you found your zivug? It’s because you made a lot of money, had good manners, lost weight, etc. In this case, a person is tracing back to cause of causes and not the cause of all causes (G-d).
The antidote to all of this is to know there is a Divine plan which is here from the beginning to the end. HaShem never steps away from the picture. He’s always the influence in creation.
The Sages say “joy is the solution to all doubts.”
Joy is the antidote to Amalek.
How do you get to joy? Knowledge.
Rabbi Akiva was always laughing, always b’simcha, etc. He laughed when he saw fox on Temple Mount, he laughed before dying a painful and torturous death by the Romans, etc. Rabbi Akiva knew what was going on behind the scenes because that privy knowledge gives joy to a person. Clarity gives joy to a person.
Joyfulness is a complete understanding of the way of G-d. to know that nothing is a mistake or coincidence; G-d is the Mastermind of the world.
What is happening now the event to bring another event; each moment brings us closer to mashiach. Every step is a step closer. One should never lose hope because despite the events, you have to see Who is behind the events. G-d is behind the events; He wants this to happen as the ideal.
Do we affiliate with this truth or do we disconnect from it? The more we connect, the more we can laugh like Rabbi Akiva. The more we’re distant, depressed, and disconnected, then the more we feel purposeless.
Rabbi Akiva’s life was also upside down; David HaMelech was also upside down; they suffered and didn’t have easy lives, but you see David HaMelech says “ach tov va chessed yirdufuni kol yemei chayai” – from the first day I came to this world, chessed and good were always chasing me!
These hardships are my consolations! They’re a chessed from HaShem! That attitude and response the proof of a true believer.
To believe in G-d when everything is great, you don’t have to be david hamelech. You can be a typical goy. That’s not a high level of emunah.
Every breath we take, we should be praising HaShem. When a person lives his life this way, he’s always b’simcha. But people who always expect more, they’re the ones who break down and get depressed.
HaShem is the Master of all good – He knows if it’s good for us to receive it or not. We don’t always have the understanding, but we can believe it.
So, basically: joy is clarity. Clarity is the biggest bracha in life.
May we all fulfill HaShem’s beautiful commandments with JOY, and B”H in that zchut, merit to see Mashiach and the Beit HaMikdash b’mehera b’yameinu!
I heard the following amazing shiur by a true Talmid Chacham:
The Gemara in masechet (page 29): Mishna says “mi sheh nichnas adar, marbim b’simcha. Mi sheh nichnas Av, mematim b’simcha.” Whoever enters Adar should increase his happiness. Whoever enters Av should decrease his happiness.
The months of Tammuz and Av are grouped together because they’re both mourning periods.
These are moments where it is understandable for one to decrease level of joy. On the 17th of Tammuz, 5 main tragic events took place; one of them being the breaking of the two luchot. One the 9th of Av, the destruction of the 1st and 2nd Temples took place. So, during the following 3 weeks, one has to decrease his happiness.
The Sages, on one hand, say we have to increase, and then decrease. But the sages never said one should not be b’simcha. But by no means should a Jew ever be UNHAPPY.
During these 3 weeks, one should weep over the destruction of the Temple, take on more restrictions, and get into mode of mourning. Yet, one still must be joyful on Tisha b’Av!
But how can this be? Don’t we have sad times in life? Tragedies, deaths, mourning days?
How is possible to be joyful when he’s weeping? Isn’t that a contradiction?
What’s the definition of simcha/joy?
Tractate of Shabbat (page 30; lamed amud bet) – Gemara says “the Divine Presence (Shechina) will not delve into one who is sad.”
So, sadness is not a state of mind that a Jew should be into. One who is sad pushes away the Shechina.
The Baal HaTanya writes that sadness is the father of all impurity. Because by pushing away the Shechina leads to a status of impurity. Impurity means disconnection from G-d.
On 9 B’Av – we’re asking HaShem to please come back to us. But if we’re all sad while asking, then how can Shechina be with us? The Shechina can’t be with us when we’re sad!
So even on 9 B’Av, one can NOT be sad! Sadness is not compatible with the state of mind of a Jew because sadness pushes away Shechina.
So, where will Divine Presence find itself? The Gemara says only among those who accomplish the mitzvot JOYFULLY.
It’s not optional to be joyful while doing mitzvot. Arizal says simcha is part of the accomplishment of the mitzvah. If you’re missing the joy, you’re not fully accomplishing mitzvah. If you’re lacking simcha, it’s like you’re lacking part of the mitzvah!!
In the Torah, there’s a parasha where we have 91 curses. The Gemara asks what prompts the 91 curses? Ad it answers because of the moments when Jews do mitzvoth without joy.
Okay, so we get it now…we must serve HaShem with joy!!! Ivdu et HaShem b’simcha!!! Wait…but what is joy? Is it laughing? Surely we shouldn’t be laughing on 9 b’Av! So, what is the definition of joy?
The Ramchal, in Mesillat HaShem, explains that there are 3 levels of fear of HaShem:
1. Lowest level: fear of punishment . This person is not scared of G-d. This person doesn’t want to get punished and feel pain. The main factor here is myself. I’m fearing the pain of the action I’ve done. That in itself is definitely a level of fearing G-d, but it’s a low level of fear.
2. 2nd level: I feel G-d’s presence every second of my life. It pains G-d when I sin. My actions depend on closeness. I love HaShem so much that I don’t want to disrespect Him. Love here depends on how much you know of G-d.
3. 3rd level: Fear of G-d’s presence (to be in awe of Him).
Rambam explains that knowledge leads one to love G-d. Only when one has knowledge of G-d, can he love Him more.
It’s possible for a person to have Torah and mitzvoth in his life, yet he can still be lack the knowledge of G-d. And therefore, he’s still under the power of Amalek.
What?? Amalek?? What do they have to do with anything??
Doubt (safek) is amalak – safek and amalek have the same gematria: 240. The essence of Amalek is to doubt…what’s going to happen today? Tomorrow? Next year? Doubt is often the root of all the anguishes and the stresses. Amalek made everyone scared, and this fear is due to the lack of knowledge of G-d. Lack of emunah and bitachon. Amalek loves the theory of coincidence. Amalek wants to show that G-d may have created the world, but He’s no longer in control of the world.
Amalek fought against the Jews when we were on our way to Israel. Amalek affects us when we were on our way – on our journey. Amalek affects us when we’re on our way somewhere. There’s danger during a journey- we think: anything can happen, and that’s why we say Tefillat Haderech. We need to overcome that feeling of Amalek – that we’re scared. Amalek says there’s no way out, there’s no hope. But We have to be calm and think and know that HaShem is with us. Have hope, courage, faith.
Amalek:
-doesn’t care that you’re fulfilling 613 mitzvot – he says do them, but do them with habit. Don’t think about them! Don’t prepare yourself, don’t look forward to the mitzvoth, etc. end Shabbat the second it’s over. Don’t extend by even 10 minutes, let alone Rabbeinu Tam! No excitement or enjoyment in your avodat HaShem. Routine.
Even a talmid chacham can c”vs be a product of Amalek.
-loves coincidence: laws of nature control the world. You caught a cold, the medicine is helping you, you found your zivug? It’s because you made a lot of money, had good manners, lost weight, etc. In this case, a person is tracing back to cause of causes and not the cause of all causes (G-d).
The antidote to all of this is to know there is a Divine plan which is here from the beginning to the end. HaShem never steps away from the picture. He’s always the influence in creation.
The Sages say “joy is the solution to all doubts.”
Joy is the antidote to Amalek.
How do you get to joy? Knowledge.
Rabbi Akiva was always laughing, always b’simcha, etc. He laughed when he saw fox on Temple Mount, he laughed before dying a painful and torturous death by the Romans, etc. Rabbi Akiva knew what was going on behind the scenes because that privy knowledge gives joy to a person. Clarity gives joy to a person.
Joyfulness is a complete understanding of the way of G-d. to know that nothing is a mistake or coincidence; G-d is the Mastermind of the world.
What is happening now the event to bring another event; each moment brings us closer to mashiach. Every step is a step closer. One should never lose hope because despite the events, you have to see Who is behind the events. G-d is behind the events; He wants this to happen as the ideal.
Do we affiliate with this truth or do we disconnect from it? The more we connect, the more we can laugh like Rabbi Akiva. The more we’re distant, depressed, and disconnected, then the more we feel purposeless.
Rabbi Akiva’s life was also upside down; David HaMelech was also upside down; they suffered and didn’t have easy lives, but you see David HaMelech says “ach tov va chessed yirdufuni kol yemei chayai” – from the first day I came to this world, chessed and good were always chasing me!
These hardships are my consolations! They’re a chessed from HaShem! That attitude and response the proof of a true believer.
To believe in G-d when everything is great, you don’t have to be david hamelech. You can be a typical goy. That’s not a high level of emunah.
Every breath we take, we should be praising HaShem. When a person lives his life this way, he’s always b’simcha. But people who always expect more, they’re the ones who break down and get depressed.
HaShem is the Master of all good – He knows if it’s good for us to receive it or not. We don’t always have the understanding, but we can believe it.
So, basically: joy is clarity. Clarity is the biggest bracha in life.
May we all fulfill HaShem’s beautiful commandments with JOY, and B”H in that zchut, merit to see Mashiach and the Beit HaMikdash b’mehera b’yameinu!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
The World Won't Understand
I recently saw a married friend.
She was pushing her baby stroller down the block and then noticed me.
And chatting time began.
“so, how ‘s dating going?” she asked.
(you can use your imagination about how I answered)
She smiled and told me “you know, when I was dating, the problem was, every guy was interested in me. And every single time, I was like ‘well, I guess, I could be married to him.’”
What she said goes along with my “theory” – it’s easy to get married. It’s not so difficult to find someone who thinks you’re pretty great and wants to spend his life with you. (Sorry, I hope that doesn’t sound obnoxious.)
So, the goal is not just to get married. The goal is to find the right person; the person whom you need. The person who can help you develop to the person that you need to become.
It’s not that I feel like nobody likes me. Or that I don’t get along with anybody.
Sure, I’ve had my share of unsuccessful dates. And just plain ol' WEIRD (not the good kind of weird) experiences. But overall, most of the guys are pretty nice, but just not for me because something is missing. The missing factor is usually due to personality clashes, religious differences, etc.
But it’s never like “omgosh waaa waaa boo hooo, I go out with all these guys, and they’re all amazing and nobody ever likes me!!”
So, sometimes, it makes me wonder.
What’s wrong with me? I mean, I know I’m a weirdo. And a little bit nutty.
Am I a hopeless case?
Am I being too picky?
Should I just “settle”?
The tachlis (love that ashki word!) answer is no. I’m not going to settle. I know that none of these guys are my zivug. I’m looking for the right person for me. My goal is not just marriage. It’s a successful marriage. My true other half; my essence; the person who understands every fiber within me and appreciates me. And that shouldn’t be one sided. I want the passion and empathy to be mutual.
And now, children, it’s time for North & South. Mr. Thornton will allow me to mope with hope.
She was pushing her baby stroller down the block and then noticed me.
And chatting time began.
“so, how ‘s dating going?” she asked.
(you can use your imagination about how I answered)
She smiled and told me “you know, when I was dating, the problem was, every guy was interested in me. And every single time, I was like ‘well, I guess, I could be married to him.’”
What she said goes along with my “theory” – it’s easy to get married. It’s not so difficult to find someone who thinks you’re pretty great and wants to spend his life with you. (Sorry, I hope that doesn’t sound obnoxious.)
So, the goal is not just to get married. The goal is to find the right person; the person whom you need. The person who can help you develop to the person that you need to become.
It’s not that I feel like nobody likes me. Or that I don’t get along with anybody.
Sure, I’ve had my share of unsuccessful dates. And just plain ol' WEIRD (not the good kind of weird) experiences. But overall, most of the guys are pretty nice, but just not for me because something is missing. The missing factor is usually due to personality clashes, religious differences, etc.
But it’s never like “omgosh waaa waaa boo hooo, I go out with all these guys, and they’re all amazing and nobody ever likes me!!”
So, sometimes, it makes me wonder.
What’s wrong with me? I mean, I know I’m a weirdo. And a little bit nutty.
Am I a hopeless case?
Am I being too picky?
Should I just “settle”?
The tachlis (love that ashki word!) answer is no. I’m not going to settle. I know that none of these guys are my zivug. I’m looking for the right person for me. My goal is not just marriage. It’s a successful marriage. My true other half; my essence; the person who understands every fiber within me and appreciates me. And that shouldn’t be one sided. I want the passion and empathy to be mutual.
And now, children, it’s time for North & South. Mr. Thornton will allow me to mope with hope.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Love Letter
Parshat Chukat...what comes to mind? PARAH ADUMAH!!!
So, there were less than 10 red heifers (heifer? who came up with that word?) in the history of the world. Sounds rare, right?
Well, guess what? There's something holy that's even MORE rare -- in fact, there was only ONE of these in history...know what it is?
YOU! Yes, you. The person reading this blog entry right now.
Chazal teach us that there are no two that are exactly alike.
There was never anybody like you in the unverise, and there will be anybody exactly like you. HaShem gave you an individual neshama with different strengths, weaknesses, talents, and powers. HaShem wants us all to use our power and talents to contribute and give to Klal Yisrael and to fully live up to our unique potential!
How can we be sure to live it up? Pray to HaShem for clarity and strength to fully fulfill and maximize your potential and mission in this world.
Shabbat Shalom u'Mevurach!
So, there were less than 10 red heifers (heifer? who came up with that word?) in the history of the world. Sounds rare, right?
Well, guess what? There's something holy that's even MORE rare -- in fact, there was only ONE of these in history...know what it is?
YOU! Yes, you. The person reading this blog entry right now.
Chazal teach us that there are no two that are exactly alike.
There was never anybody like you in the unverise, and there will be anybody exactly like you. HaShem gave you an individual neshama with different strengths, weaknesses, talents, and powers. HaShem wants us all to use our power and talents to contribute and give to Klal Yisrael and to fully live up to our unique potential!
How can we be sure to live it up? Pray to HaShem for clarity and strength to fully fulfill and maximize your potential and mission in this world.
Shabbat Shalom u'Mevurach!
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